Saving a Rebellious Wallflower
by wickedlovee
Summary: Christian, a seventeen year old teenager with a dark past has just been told that he will now be attending Seattle Prep. Promising to make the best of it, he meets a beautiful misfit, a loner with horrible habits. Can they help each other fight off their demons? (Contains: Drug use. Suicidal thoughts. MATURE AND EXTREMELY DARK THEMES)
1. Prologue: Ana

**Prologue | Anastasia**

* * *

My name's Anastasia, but I hate formalities so you can call me Ana. I'm a 17 year old suicidal maniac who's attached to nothing but music, alcohol, drugs, sex, and sadness. Don't get me wrong, I fell in love once. He broke my heart and took it with him. Now, before you go and stereotype me.. No I don't wear all black like I'm attending a funeral every day. I... Well I have my own type of style. I don't care about the new styles and trends. As long as it covers up me and my scars when I'm feeling too lazy to cover them up with makeup; then I'm good. I attend Seattle Prep and I couldn't hate life more. No one likes me, but I could care less about having friends, most of them are temporary anyways.

I don't know what I wanna be in life, I just wanna stay young forever. I mean, all I do is go to school sometimes, go to house parties, raves, and do illegal shit. I know what you may be thinking... How did she get this way? It's simple, I was raped when I was 11 years old, by a family friend who I used to think was so hot, his name was Logan and I practically had a crush on him. He was 19, but I couldn't care less about his age. When he raped me, I didn't see it as rape. I sickeningly enjoyed it... Emotionally I felt it was wrong, but physically, my body gave me away. It felt good. After it happened, I admitted my feelings for him and he laughed at me and then took me to his friends house so they could rape me like he did. He used me, but I eventually got over it. A week after that, I was introduced to drugs by a person who I thought was a friend, Jason. I snorted coke, smoked cigs, smoked weed, took LSD, drank booze. It was an escape for me.

I kept doing it all, till the feeling wore off. That's when I tried cutting. At first, it stung. But later on, I couldn't stop. One time, I cut too deep, the bleeding wouldn't cease. But, I wasn't afraid. I'm still not afraid. I trust no one and I'm not afraid of dying. I live with my mom Carla and my step dad Ray. They don't know about the drugs, alcohol, or the fact that I was raped, but they do know I cut. I usually wear jeans, or cover them with make up from time to time.. and the only body parts they've ever seen my cuts, are on my arms. They think I stopped, but I just cut on my thighs.

I get bullied and shit, though I wouldn't call it bullied because I defend myself, which actually result into me giving someone a broken nose. I have anger issues, but can you blame me? People are annoying.

I know I'll have to get my shit together one day, but to be honest. I don't think I might even make it to 30, knowing that I'm on the path to destruction. But I'm always prepared for the day that might happen, I always have and always will treat each day as if the next day were my last.


	2. Prologue: Christian

**Prologue | Christian **

* * *

I'm Christian, Christian Grey. I'm 17, also the middle child of the Grey's and the disappointment out of the 3. I was abused, neglected, used as an ashtray and left to starve at the age of 4. My dad left me, my biological mother committed suicide and well, the rest is history. After my mom committed, that was when I met Grace. My angel. The woman who saved me, took me in her home, and cared for me as if I were her own.

I have a serious case of haphephobia, fear of being touched. Nobody, I mean nobody can touch me on my chest or my back, they're my no go zones and everyone I know seems to respect it, that is, until the Grey's adopted a baby. My baby sister, Mia. The crazy preppy one of us. You see, when the Grey's adopted me, I didn't speak for 2 whole years, and when I was 6, my first word was her name, and she was the only would I let touch me. I mean, she was just a baby then, she was fragile and harmless, I felt like more of an over protective brother, just like Elliot. My older brother, the jokester. They were both perfect children when I was just... the fuck up. I still am and always will be the quiet fucked up one of the bunch.

I drink alcohol, a lot of it at that. I get into fights, mostly because a person touches my no go zones. But it isn't my fault, they shouldn't have touched me in the first place. Hell, I don't even think I'll ever lose my virginity because of my fear of being touched.

Tomorrow I will be the new kid attending Seattle Prep. I wanna die just thinking about it. I hate school, but I have to go. The pimp who abused me, always told me that when I get older, I will be a no good shit just like him. Even though the asshole's dead, I still wanna prove the fucker wrong. I will make it big, I don't care if I don't make friends at this school. I doubt people would even notice me, I've made myself invisible for 2 years, and it won't be a problem now.

I've been kicked out of 3 schools already, and this one's my last resort. I can't drop out, I refuse to. I refuse to let the pimp be right about me, I won't be like him. He's a no good shit and I hope he's rotting in hell right now for what he did to me. He made me this way. He made me so fucked up, and my mother did nothing to stop it. But a part of me wants to thank them both because now, I have a family, who loves me and cares about me, I don't know why they love me, but they do, and I know it's gonna take me some time to adjust here, and I will fuck up, but I will stop at nothing to make them proud of me. I will make it, someday.


	3. Chapter 1

**Quick author's note: **Before you read, I'd like to suggest that you follow my Pinterest for visuals of the story. www dot pinterest dot com/rachelleeexo/saving-a-rebellious-wallflower/.

**Chapter I | Anastasia's POV**

* * *

**THUD THUD THUD.**

The sudden hollow echo of knuckles rapping on the my room door awakened me. Blinking a couple of times to adjust my eye sight, I check my alarm clock and see that it's 8:30. Shit I'm late. Oh well, I'll go tomorrow.

**THUD THUD.**

''Anastasia Rose Steele, I don't care if you're late, get your ass up and go to school!'' My mother shouts. Ugh, why can't she just leave me the hell alone?

''What the hell mom! I don't feel like going!''

''Anastasia I don't care how you feel, don't make me have to break this door down!''

Sighing, I plop my face back down on the pillow and let out a loud scream. I just don't understand my parents, they hate it when I'm home and they hate it when I'm out!

''Open this damn door!'' She shouts, followed by a couple more hard knocks.

I lazily sit up and walk to the door to open it, only to be confronted by the most annoying woman in the world!

''I'm up now, you see?'' I widen my eyes, ''My eyes are open, oh my gosh! Fantastic isn't it!?'' I say to her, quite mockingly, as if I'm speaking to a toddler.

Letting out a laugh, she says, ''Like oh my gosh! That's so magnificent, if only all morning's were like this!''

I glare at her, ''Yeah yeah yeah, whatever.''

She steps aside to let me pass and enter the bathroom, ''I love you!'' I hear her yell.

''Gag!'' I yell back. I sometimes wish I was a baby again, this school shit, and waking up early are pretty fucking annoying, I swear they will be the death of me.

* * *

Stepping out of the shower, I walk to my room. My palace, which I love to call it, because the way I designed it, is pretty fucking rad. It's all closed in, a tye dye colored bedspread, waterfall scented candles, and the LED lights make it colorful, it's beautiful, serene, and comfy.

I walk over to my dresser and choose a black striped sweater, jean stretch twill high-waist side zipper shorts, some black see through leggings, and my black combat boots.

I apply my Kat Von D's concealer on the scars visible on my thighs. Works like a charm.

I blow dry my hair, and run my brush through it, this will have to do for now. Not to be conceited or anything but my hair looks good even when it's messy.

Minutes later, I'm finally dressed and ready to go. Today isn't the day to be applying makeup on my face. I wanna go all natural today, so I just apply some Strawberry Sorbet flavored EOS lip balm on my lips. Perfect.

* * *

I walk to the kitchen and grab a green apple. ''Later's!'' I yell to my parents.

Grabbing my car keys off the key holder, I walk out of the house and stride towards my baby, my black 67 Camaro with white stripes. Well technically, it's my dad's baby, but it's going to be mine soon!

I get into the car and throw my black silver star studded bag in the passenger seat.

Putting the key into the ignition and twisting, I take a few seconds to appreciate the beautiful roar it makes. I love this car. I love it so much.

I turn up the radio, and the sound of The Middle by Jimmy Eat World blares throughout the car.

I bob my head up and down to the music and go through my bag, while keeping my eyes on the road, and take out my pack of Marlboro cigarettes.

Grabbing the pack, I take out a stick and grab my lighter and light up the cig, I inhale the addicting poison and release a cloud of tension.

* * *

I arrive to the hell hole, and the front of the school is deserted. No people just the cars on the parking lot.

Taking the key out of the ignition, I grab my bag and throw my keys in. I open the car door and walk to the entrance.

Exhaling a puff of smoke one last time, I throw the cig on the ground and stomp on it.

''Let's do this.'' I whisper to myself before opening the door and walking to the office to get a tardy pass.

I recieve my little blue slip and walk upstairs to my class. Once I'm in front of my classroom door. I roll my eyes, and take a deep breath before twisting the doorknob.

Walking in, I'm met with the eyes of all the idiots in my class. I see some girls snickering and whispering to each other, probably calling me a whore or worse. I don't care though, I've heard it all before.

It's then when I'm met with a face I've never seen before. His perfectly sculpted face is the canvas for his godlike features, full, tempting lips, and stunning, smoking gray mysterious eyes.

I don't know how long I've been staring, because Mrs. Teal has obviously been trying to get my attention by waving her stupid hand in my face and all the idiotic students in my class are now laughing.

''Ms. Steele, I think you have something for me?'' Mrs. Teal says.

''Yes, here.'' I say nervously and hand her my tardy pass. I turn my attention back to the new boy, and he's now smirking at me. Asshole. He must be so full of it.

''You may sit now..'' Mrs. Teal demands me. The worst part is.. The dude is sitting in the seat that's next to mine. Great, just great.

I walk to my seat, and I hear Elena whispering to Leila, saying how much of a slut I am. They're snickering and it's annoying the shit out of me. Leila's really scared of me, so I'll just use this to my advantage.

I lean over the new kid's desk and whisper to Elena, ''I'm sorry Elena, what was that?'' She just glares at me, so I continue, ''thought so, I wouldn't want to break your nose again.'' I now have the whole class gasping and laughing. I wonder how they even heard me. Nosy fuckers.

Elena's eyes widen and she calls the teacher's attention, ''Mrs. Teal, Ana just threatened to break my nose!''

Mrs. Teal has always been annoyed with Elena's presence, I mean who hasn't? She's all bark, no bite! ''Is that true Ms. Steele?'' She says.

''Ask Leila'' I say to her. Turning my attention towards Leila, I give her my threatening expression and she squirms uncomfortably under my stare. Ha!

''Leila?'' Mrs. Teal pressures her to answer.

''N-Nuh uh..'' Leila replies, stuttering while shaking her head from side to side. I smirk at her and turn my attention to Mrs. Teal.

Raising my eyebrows, Teal finally says something, ''I don't tolerate lying Elena, you know that. Just get back to work so I won't have to send you to the principal's office!''

Elena crosses her arms and huffs. She looks like a kid who's just been denied candy.

I sit down in my seat and I see the new kid staring at me, as if he's trying to read me or something.

''Stop fucking staring at me'' I whisper to him, harshly.

He glares at me before turning his attention to the front of the classroom. I fucking thought so, new kid!

Time flies and we're down to the last 3 minutes of class when Mrs. Teal announces who we will be partnered up with for our English project.

''Ana, you will be partnered up with Christian Grey.'' Who the hell is that? I'm about to raise my hand to question who it is when I feel someone poking my shoulder.

I look to my right and the new kid is smirking at me, ''I guess we'll be seeing more of each other after all.''

Fuck my life.


	4. Chapter 2

**Chapter II | Christian's POV**

* * *

Sitting in this classroom is complete torture. Second by second, it's like my ambition is slowly fading away. Is it always going to be like this?

This is what teachers don't understand... Us students, would probably enjoy learning if they didn't have to make the lessons so goddamn boring.

To top it off, I'm sitting next to two girls, Elena and Leila. They've been talking since class started. They're pretty, but so fucking annoying. They've been talking shit about this girl named Ana for the past 20 minutes and if punching women were legal, I'd punch them till they K.O.

I have no desire to listen to Mrs. Teal... I'm pretty sure she wants to fail us all then go home and laugh about it, like we weren't even willing to try.

I emit a long deep breath and put my head on the desk. Maybe if I nap for a little while, this class would go by faster.

Just as I close my eyes, the room goes completely quiet. Shit, what if the attention's on me? I slowly raise my head to see everyone's attention on somebody else. A girl that just walked in.

''Oh oh slut alert'' Elena whispers, not loud enough for the girl to hear it, but loud enough for the whole class to hear. They're all snickering at her. Fucking followers and low lives.

''Don't forget druggie'' Leila says. She does drugs? I look at her and sees that she's scanning the room. She's obviously as annoyed with all these people as me.

Her gaze then lands on me. I finally got a good look at how beautiful this girl is.

Her hair is a rich shade of mahogany. It flows in waves that adorn her glowing, snow-like skin. Her eyes, framed by long lashes, were a bright, baby blue and seemed to brighten the world. A straight nose, luscious pink lips - she seemed the picture of pure perfection.

I snap out of it, but she hasn't. She's been checking me out as well, I can't stop the smirk that appears on my face. It's just a pretty face. That would make me a hypocrite though because this girl is literally the definition of breath taking.

Mrs. Teal waves her hand in the girl's face, which causes the idiots in the class to laugh. Though, my smirk hasn't left my face because I like the fact that I made this girl oblivious to the people around her. She was checking me out and I'm proud.

She then walks towards to her seat, which is next to mine. This day just keeps getting better and better.

I hear Elena and Leila whispering and laughing. Probably talking shit again! The girl bends over my desk and... _Don't look at her ass Grey! Don't fucking look! _Fuck I looked. That ass is perfection. I can't help but to picture how she looks naked. Probably just as breath taking as the outside.

I hear Elena shout to Ms. Teal about how Ana was just threatening to break her nose again. Aha, so this is the famous Ana..

I then see her give Leila this _'do as I say and you wont get hurt' _ facial expression which makes her give in to what they were arguing about. Huh... So people are scared of her. Same here beautiful.

She then sits at her desk. I take a moment to really look at her, she doesn't look like a druggie. She looks like an angel to me. I want her.

She's obviously aware of my staring because she snaps, ''Stop fucking staring at me''

Woah then, didn't know admiring such a beauty was such a fucking crime! Glaring at her one last time, I turn my attention back to the boring classroom.

I must've been day dreaming because then Mrs. Teal announces, ''Ana, you will be partnered up with Christian Grey.'' Holy fucking shit. Does God love me or what?

I can tell she doesn't know that I'm her partner, so I poke her shoulder and smirk, ''I guess we'll be seeing more of each other after all.'' I say.

She frowns. Does she not like me? Does she not want to be my partner? Well I want to be hers, so she's just going to have to deal with it.

The bell rings and she jolts up and she walks rapidly out the classroom. I get up and walk to the door hoping to catch up to her, when Elena stops me. ''You don't wanna work with little old Anastasia, do you? I'll be happy to switch partners and be with you.''

She feels on my bicep. What the hell is she doing... ''I'm fine with Anastasia.'' I walk out of the classroom, ''You might as well be working alone! She'll make you do everything!'' She yells after me.

At this point, I don't care. I'd be more than glad to do all the work if it means I'll get to spend time with that girl. That beautiful girl.

I scan the hallways, I don't see her... Fucking great.

* * *

Heading to lunch, I'm hoping that I see her again. But I don't. Instead, I see my brother and my sister outside eating their lunch. I walk over to them and drop by bag on the table before sitting. I run my hands through my hair. Why can't I stop thinking about her?

''How's your first day little bro?'' Elliot says. I ignore him. I don't feel like talking to anyone.

''Look, there she is.'' Mia whispers while nudging Elliot's shoulder. I turn to see what they're looking at, and it's her.

''They say that she's fucked most of the guys in this school, and that she does so much drugs.'' Elliot says. I don't care what they say, looks can be deceiving. She looks too... Innocent, yet dangerous. I don't know how to describe it.

I get up and start walking towards her when some dude just calls her name. She looks as if she's seen a ghost. Is that her boyfriend? I study his face. Good looking guy, some stubble, but his eyes are red. Either he hasn't had enough sleep or he's high.

''Jason...'' she says. Who the hell is Jason?

''Wanna get out of here? I got some stuff I think you'd wanna try'' He whispers to her, loud enough for me to hear it.

What stuff? What is she trying... Please don't let the rumors be true...

She reluctantly nods, ''Y-yes... Lets get out of here.'' She says.

They both walk out of the school... I'm so fucking intrigued to find out where the fuck she's going but I don't wanna be some sort of stalker...

They're getting farther and farther away. Getting in a black 67 Camaro. I look back at Elliot and Mia. Elliot has the car keys.

What the fuck should I do?

* * *

**Sooo, what do you think he should do? Follow Ana and Jason? Or should he let Ana go? Remember, Jason is the person who introduced Ana to drugs! So tell me what you'd like Christian to do.**


	5. Chapter 3

**Chapter III | Anastasia's POV**

* * *

All the students around me are talking, laughing, getting along just fine, but about what? Discussing the latest gossip about other people? Laughing about a silly girl that made fun of her crush? Plotting ways to humiliate her?

Their lives are just as boring as the rest of us in this place. How can this place that supposedly brings you great things in the future be so dull and boring? There's always a catch I guess.

I'm staring straight ahead, at the cars, trees, streets. Looking for something, but what? I guess I'm just trying to find something that stands out. The world looks so... Ugh, it just looks the same. It all looks the fucking same!

I'm brought back to reality when I hear someone call my name. I've heard that voice before. I never thought I'd hear it again. He can't be here...

''Jason...'' I whisper breathlessly. He really is here, but why? He's on fucking school grounds for fuck sake! And he's high, I can tell by his eyes. He looks like shit.

''Wanna get out of here? I got some stuff I think you'd wanna try''

I don't know why I'm always open to trying new drugs, I just like experiencing the feel, the rush.

Right now, I just wanna leave this place . So of course, I agree. But a part of me is unsure... It's the way Jason looks right now, the rest of the drugs we did together didn't have him looking like this..

I lead him to my car, and I don't dare look back. I feel like someone is staring at me... Probably everyone, but this feeling is different. Like someone is staring, burning a hole right in the back of my head with their eyes.

We get in the car and drive off. We make small talk of course, but I think it's time to pop the question.

''Sooo, what's this new stuff like?'' Mind you, this is the question that changed everything completely.

''I wont tell you much, but imagine a whole body orgasm'' He tells me. But before I have a chance to ask him what it is, he asks me a different question. ''Your place or mine?''

''My parents aren't home, if this _'whole body orgasm' _is as legit as you say it is, I want to experience it in my palace. K? K.''

He laughs, ''alright alright, by the way some dude was looking at us while we were at the school.'' Like I don't know this already...

''How do you know?''

''It's called peripheral vision.'' He says rather sarcastically.

''Oh shut up, we're here.''

I pull up into the drive way and we hop out of the car. I take out my keys and unlock the front door and let him go in first.

He runs up the stairs and into my room.

''Oh your bedroom is just great bro.'' Like I don't know that already...

''I know, now show me the goods!''

''Which goods should I show you?'' He says while smirking at me. Oh god he's flirting with me...

''Fuck off perv. The drug, show me the drug!'' I'm getting really annoyed with him.

He takes off his black book bag and unzips it, pulling out a zip lock bag that contains a syringe, a spoon, a small box of alcohol swabs, a smaller zip lock bag with some white powder and a lighter.

''Hera..'' I whisper. I'm looking at it as if it were a new toy. I'm so desperate to experience the high of it.

''Yup, legit shit. Got any cotton balls?''

I nod and walk over to my bedside table and open a drawer and pull out a bag of cotton balls. I wave them in his face.

''Sweeet..''

He walks to the bathroom, and I follow. Eager to see how it works. Eager to feel it in me.

Opening the zip lock bag, he pulls out the spoon and the box of alcohol swabs. He opens the box and pulls an a-swab out. He starts cleaning the spoon and he then places the hera in the spoon. He then tells me to take the syringe out and gather 50-75 units of water and squirt it in the spoon. He takes the lighter and starts to heat it up from the bottom. He pulls out the plunger of the syringe and stirs the hera solution.

''Take out a cotton ball'' he says. I oblige at his order.

He takes a piece of the cotton and rolls it into a size a bit bigger than a tic-tac and he drops it in the hera solution. Taking the tip of the syringe and poking it into the middle of the cotton ball, he pulls the plunger back slowly until all the hera is sucked in.

''Alright, you ready for this?''

I nod. He places my arm on the edge of the sink and pats the bend of my arm. He finally injects it in my vein. I instantly go limp.

Oh my... It feels like a warm golden sunshine flowing through my veins. My chest is tightening up a bit. My whole body feels as if it's pulsating, tingling. I feel okay now... Everything is beautiful. I feel calm, my eyelids are getting heavy. Jason is saying something but I just can't hear... This feeling, is intense. More intense than anything I've ever tried. I feel him picking me up and placing me in my bed. Oh the colors, they're all so lovely. So bright, so beautiful. It just adds more feeling to the high.

I can't quite get the words out of my mouth. I see him closing my room door, leaving me. Not that I'm complaining... But what if I want more?

He goes from place to place, what if I can't find him? Who cares? Enjoy this feeling.

Calm, that's mostly what I feel. Everything around me looks pretty. Almost like an acid high but more intense. This rush is amazing. Hera is amazing.

My eyelids start to give up on me, and colors, the beautiful colors of my room are the last thing I see before everything goes black.

* * *

**For those of you who don't know...**

**Hera - Heroin.**


	6. Chapter 4

**Chapter IV | Christian's POV**

* * *

Anastasia didn't show up today and that doesn't sit well with me, I know that I don't know her that well, but I'm worried about her. Ever since she left with that fucker Jason, I can't help but to think he did something to her. I wonder what his deal is. Does he really do drugs? Does SHE really do drugs?

What I feel for Anastasia isn't like some stupid high school crush. I mean, I may have a crush on her, but I feel something there... Something right, and it's so weird because I only met her once. She would think I'm psycho.

Most people don't talk back to me because they're scared. But she does. She's not afraid of me, and it's nice, and refreshing. It's like she's challenging me, and boy do I love a challenge. I have to make her mine.

I got her address by manipulating Leila. She thinks I actually like her... Ha, no I only got my eyes set on one girl. A girl who could probably care less about me...

* * *

Parking my car, I get out and take a deep breath and exhale. I walk to the front door and ring the door bell.

It takes about a minute or two before someone opens the door. A beautiful lady no older than 30 stands across from me, looking at me with an expression that says _'um are you lost?' _

I clear my throat, ''Um hey I'm Christian, I was wondering if Ana was here? We have to finish a project'' I lie look at her with hopeful expression.

''U-uh, I'm Carla, her mother and yes Ana's in her room. She's kinda sick, she's been sleeping for a while, I think she may be awake now. Come in, I'll take you to her.'' She smiles. Thank god, the awkwardness was just too much.

I follow her upstairs, and I pass a couple photos in the hallway of Ana when she was little. She was beautiful at a young age too. I smile looking at pictures with Ana smiling and kissing Carla and who I assume is her dad's cheek.

We stop by a door, with a sign that says ''Keep calm and leave **Ana's Palace**''

Her mom knocks on her door, ''Ana open the door or I'm coming in!'' She screams and I jump.

She shrugs, and Ana has yet to open the door, so her mom pushes her room door open and I gasp at her room. It's so colorful, it's awesome. I'm not a fan of colorful stuff but her room is just amazing.

I look back at her mom, who is now sitting next to her on her bed and shaking her awake. ''Ana, your friend Christian is here. Wake up''

She stirs and her eyes flutter open. She looks right at me and I smirk. ''Okay mom''

Carla turns to leave the room, and Ana shakes her head and scowls at her, I look back at her and she looks back at me shocked then smiles, ''Are you hungry Christian? I was gonna order some Papa Johns'' I nod at her approvingly and she leaves.

''What are you doing here and how do you know where I live?'' Ana says while getting up from her bed.

''I just thought I'd stop by and see if you were okay.. I aced our project by the way, and I got it from Leila..''

''Leila gave you my address?'' Her eyebrow quirks up.

''Yeah, I got it out of her''

''Oh..''

And once again the awkward silence is back..

''Nice room you got here'' I say to hopefully break the silence.

''Yeah, I um designed it myself'' I nod.

''You don't have to stand there like a statue you know...''

Walking over to her bed, I sit next to her and she goes through her purse. She takes out a pack of cigarettes. My heart stops. ''So, tell me... Why are you really here?'' She takes one cig out and lights it up. I jump up off the bed and face the wall with my back towards her and run my fingers through my hair and grip tightly.

''Why the fuck are you smoking?'' I snap at her and turn around to see her eyes widened.

''Because I fucking want to!''

I sigh, ''please don't smoke around me..''

''Why? Tell me one good reason why I shouldn't smoke in my own damn house if I fucking feel like it?''

''Because I was burned with them when I was 4 dammit!'' I yell at her.

Did I really just say that? I just opened up to her... But only because she was pissing me off. What if she's disgusted with me? I look at her and her expression shows shock and pity.

''Don't look at me like that.''

''I- I didn't know, I'm sorry, look...'' She gets up and takes the pack of cigarettes and the already lit one with her, and opens the window. She throws them out and I feel relieved yet shocked as to why she did that for me.

''See? They're gone.'' She says to me softly as if she's approaching a wild animal.

''Thank you.''

''Do you wanna talk about it?'' Oh no.. Fucking no!

''No..'' She nods and takes my hand and leads me to the bed.

We sit down and she's about to say something when her mom comes in with a box of pizza.

''Pizza's here!'' She sings.

I laugh while Ana looks embarrassed by her moms entrance.

Ana gets up and takes the pizza box from her mom, ''okay okay mom thank you'' she says while pushing her mom towards the door.

We're alone and she wiggles her eyebrows while shaking the pizza box. I clap my hands and rub them together.

''Haha, alriiight. Lets dig in dude'' she says.

* * *

''Do you ever think about what you wanna be in the future?'' I ask while eating my third slice of pizza and sitting on her bed with no shoes on. I feel so comfortable and relaxed with her.

''Ehh, no I just... I guess I'm just living for now you know.''

''Well what would you want to do?''

''I don't know, I haven't really thought about it. I mean, I wanna worry about the future later if you know what I mean.''

''You don't seem like you care''

''To be honest, I don't..'' There has to be more than that...

''Why not? Don't you wanna be something? Make something of yourself?'' I ask.

''I just wanna have fun. The world is boring enough as it is, I really don't wanna think about that crap.. It's just stupid to me.''

''No it isn't. It's far from stupid. It's being able to laugh at the people who doubted you from the get go when you prove them wrong. Being known to the world as someone who did what they can to succeed, you know?''

She stares at me in awe but then recovers, ''I guess..'' She says nonchalantly.

''You guess? Well show or tell me something that isn't boring to you.'' I say, air quoting the word _boring._

''Show you?'' There goes that quirked eyebrow again.

''Yes, show me.''

''Alright, dude... Your words not mine.''

She grabs her blue Apple laptop off the bedside table and searches something online.

''What are you doing?'' I ask, curious to what she's going to show me.

''I'm buying you a ticket.''

What the fuck? ''A ticket? A ticket for what?!''

''Well, I just bought you a ticket for Life In Color 2014'' she says nonchalantly.

''What the hell is that?''

''It's a surprise. Don't ask anybody about it or search it up!''

I sigh.. ''Fine''

''Great cause it's on Friday and Saturday''

''Two days?! What could you possibly be taking me to that we have to stay for two days!?''

''You'll see..'' She gives me a _'wait till you see what I have in store for you' _expression.

I gulp. What have I gotten myself into?

* * *

**Just so you know, Life In Color also known as LIC is a rave, the world's largest paint party.**


	7. Chapter 5

**Quick author's note: **I'd like to take time to thank a reviewer. (Stayaliveh) thank you for your lovely reviews. I'm so glad you love the story. I'm pretty knew to writing so thank you! It's highly appreciated. Another thing, please follow my pinterest for the pictures to the story, www dot pinterest dot com/rachelleeexo/saving-a-rebellious-wallflower/. So with that being said here's Chapter 5.

**Chapter V | Anastasia's POV**

* * *

Christian is leaving and I can't lie and say that I didn't enjoy his company, because I did. It was nice having someone to chill with and talk to. But that was probably a one time thing and will never happen again.

''So, I'll see you tomorrow?'' He says while waiting outside the doorstep.

''Prob will, prob wont.''

He scowls at me, ''well I hope I will.''

''Yeahh... Now I prob won't come on purpose'' I say, giving him an innocent smile.

''What ever... So, uh good night Ana...'' He says awkwardly.

''Uh, yeah night...''

He's standing there awkwardly. Why is he still here and why won't he leave? Oh god... Don't tell me he's expecting a kiss or something!

''K bye.'' I say while I abruptly slam the door in his face. _Phew _that was a close one. Did he really think I would kiss him? I have to laugh..

I burst out in a fit of giggles and I bend down and put my hands on my knees. I can't breathe. I look up and I see my mom looking at me like I'm some psychopath.

Just then the door behind me opens revealing a confused and shocked Ray. Their expressions make me laugh more.

''Ummm Ana, are you alright? Why are you laughing?'' He looks at my mom with a terrified expression and whispers ''why is she laughing?''

My mom shrugs. ''Honey have you been doing drugs?''

My laughing comes to a halt. ''No, what? What are you..? What? Uh, no! Of course not!'' Do they know? Oh my god, what!

They both look at each other with a shocked expression due to my outburst.

''Uh okaaaay...'' They say simultaneously.

I walk to the staircase, and fake yawn. ''I'm really tired you guys, so I'm just gonna go to bed, alright?''

They nod slowly as if they're still unsure about my answer.

''Uh, k bye.'' I say then I run up the stairs to my room and close the door and breathe a sigh of relief.

I haven't noticed how tired I actually am until I jump on my bed and bury my face in my pillow. I immediately doze off.

* * *

_Ana..._

I hear someone whispering my name, it's not a familiar voice...

_Ana wake up..._

I open my eyes, and I see nothing... I swear I heard someone whispering my name... I must be so out of it.

I get up and go to the bathroom, to wet my face and decide that I'm gonna go for a walk. I walk downstairs and open the front door, and it's dark but right now I don't care.

I've walked a couple miles already but I feel like walking isn't helping anymore so I start to run. I turn a corner and accidentally bumped into somebody. A hot dude with brown hair and blue eyes. My lord..

''Woah, hey you alright?'' He asks. I don't answer because when I look at the ground, I see a small zip lock bag with white powder. Cocaine.

''You're gonna snort coke?'' I ask him. He looks taken back by my question but quickly recovers.

''Are you a cop?'' His eyebrow quirks up.

I have to laugh at his question... ''No, I'm not... Though if I was, I would've found you even more suspicious if you asked me that question.''

He smirks, ''Name's Drew and yes I am... It's my first time actually.''

''Alessa... Can I have a line?'' Alessa? I don't know anyone by that name! I don't even know why I said it... it just came out!

He frowns and looks unsure, ''Uh I- I don't think—''

''Please...'' I back him up into a wall. ''You don't mind sharing do you?'' I say in a sexy seductive voice.

He shakes his head. ''We can go to my place? My parents are almost never home..''

Looking him up and down, I smile and say ''sure''

He looks around and takes my hand. I feel so dazed, almost like I'm not myself...

I hear something, like someone stepped on glass. I turn around and I see no one.

* * *

Drew unlocks his door. ''Where's your bedroom?'' I ask. What the fuck has come over me?

He points to a door at the end of the hallway. I pull his arm and lead him too the room. Once I open the door, I pull in him and push him on the bed.

I straddle him and we're both breathing heavily. I lower my face to kiss him and he grabs my ass and moans. He's feeling all over me and I want to stop but I can't.

He flipped us so that I'm now under him. He cups my breasts and squeezes. He lifts me up so that I'm sitting and he grabs the hem of my shirt and takes it off of me.

He unhooks my bra while kissing on my neck and then starts to suck and lick my nipples.

I unbutton his pants and he pulls them down, he wastes no time pulling his boxers down as well. He does the same for me and he thrusts into me. He's the only one moaning, and feeling good.

I stare at the ceiling... and it all comes back to me...

_''Go on Brad, have a go with the little bitch, I got my fill of her'' Logan says._

_''Alright bro, give me a minute.'' Brad starts taking his clothes off. _

_I don't want this, I only wanted Logan! Why is he doing this to me!_

_I don't even get a chance to scream because he covers my mouth and thrusts his member in me. Tears. So many tears are being shed, and they're just laughing at me._

_''This.. is.. all.. you're.. gonna.. be.. good for'' He grunts. ''For fucking..'' _

_I'm whimpering. Please stop... I don't want this... It hurts... _

_I look at Logan and I see that he's filming the whole thing. My vision is blurring more because my eyes are getting more watery. Please Logan... Make him stop this..._

_He's laughing, they're both laughing... _

I'm brought back by hearing Drew, ''Alessa? Alessa you okay?'' There goes that name again... He wipes a tear I never knew I shed.

I nod, ''I'm fine.. Can we do a line now?''

He looks at me with a worried expression.. Oh please, as if you really care. ''Yeah, sure.. I'm not sure how this whole snorting process goes though, so I need you to help me...''

''Go get a mirror'' I tell him, and he goes in, what I assume is him parent's room and gets a mirror. Perfect size.

I empty the little bag filled with cocaine on a mirror, ''got a credit card?'' He nods then hands me the card.

I use the credit care to make two neat little lines that are as thick as a straw, on the mirror. I take out a $20 bill and roll it up tightly.

Holding one nostril closed, I put my head down to the mirror and put one end of the rolled up bill and I put the other end slightly below the line of cocaine and I slide the bill across the line while I sniff it all up.

Numb.. I feel numb. I fall back on the pillow and stare at the ceiling again. ''Your turn'' I whisper.

I hear him throw it away in the trash next to the bed. He lays next to me, I feel him staring at me.

''Why do you do it?'' He asks.

''What?'' I reply confused by his question.

''Cocaine... Why do you do it?''

I feel my eyes getting heavy. ''Cocaine isn't _cocaine_. It's a tormented soul's aspirin.'' I whisper breathlessly, before it all goes black.


	8. Chapter 6

**Chapter VI | Christian's POV**

* * *

''What's going through that head of yours little bro?'' Elliot asks me while eating a burger.

All I seem to think about is how Ana didn't show up to school again. Does she make a habit of this? I didn't think she'd be serious about not showing up again..

''He's thinking about a girl, maybe?'' Mia answers. She's right, I am thinking about a girl. One girl.. A girl that slammed a door in my face when I was looking forward to kissing her for the first time. God that was so embarrassing.

''What girl?'' Why can't they just mind their own business?

Just then Elena and Leila sits down at our table, what the fuck are they doing? Mia ignores their presence. ''Well maybe he's thinking about a girl named Ana?'' I glare at her.

Elena and Leila start to laugh, ''you like Ana? May I ask why you like that slut, who may I add is also a druggie?''

I slam my fist on the table, and tower over her. ''Stop fucking talking about her like that, just fucking stop it!'' I can see that she looks frightened but this is Elena we're talking about, so of course she stands up also. We're now glaring at each other.

''You don't believe me? Well how about I prove it to you? Last night, Leila and I saw your 'girlfriend' offering herself for cocaine! We even followed the bitch so I know where he lives! She's a slut, and there's nothing you can say that will change that!''

I wanna slap her, I wanna fucking slap her for making all that shit up! ''Why don't we just prove it to him?'' Leila asks. I don't know which one of them is worse. Elena or her little puppet.

I don't know why I'm so protective of Ana, but hearing them talk about her like that just pisses me off.

''So?'' Elena says. ''Are you in or not?''

''I'm in!'' I scowl at Elliot and he shrugs.

Elena's just smiling as if she's won the lottery, ''Alright follow me, I know a way we can skip without getting caught.''

I look at Mia and she's sitting down, with her head down. ''Come on Mia!'' Leila says, ''You can come too''

Mia has always been one of those girls who doesn't want to be left out in anything. So of course she says yes. I don't wanna go but a part of me just wants to see if they're telling the truth.

They start to walk towards the back door of the cafeteria and I have no choice but to follow them. We avoid all the security and make it to her car. They better not be lying..

* * *

We've been waiting outside this guy's house for about 20 minutes and I'm already annoyed. Elena and Leila won't stop talking.

I'm about to tell them to shut up when Leila says, ''oh oh! Look, the door! It's opening!'' My head snaps towards the direction of the front door and my heart stops.

I see her... I see Ana walking out with some dude. I see red, I try to open the door but Elliot holds me back and tries to convince me not to go.

I look back at Ana and she's walking away from the guy. I wait a couple of minutes and see that she's far enough to not see what I'm about to do to this guy.

I get out of the car and slam the door, I now have 4 idiots following me. I bang on the guys door and when he opens it, I slam him against the door.

''Hey, what the fuck is your problem?'' He shouts at me, ''what the fuck did you do to Ana!'' I shout back.

''Who the fuck is Ana!?'' Is this guy serious? No really, is he serious?

''Christian leave him alone, come on..'' Elliot says.

''The girl that just fucking left!'' I shout, ignoring Elliot.

''Ana? Her name is fucking Alessa you asshole, you got the wrong chick!'' He snaps. Alessa? What the hell? Is her middle name Alessa?

''Her name is Ana! Now tell me what the fuck you did to her!'' I'm getting really fucking furious now.

''I didn't do anything she didn't wanna do! We just had sex and did coke! What are you? Her boyfriend!?'' No... I can't stop myself... I start punching him repeatedly.

Elliot tries to pull me off but I just can't stop right now. ''Christian stop!'' Mia screams! I look at her and see that she has tears in her eyes while Elena and Leila are just looking shocked.

I immediately let go and hug my baby sister. ''Mia.. I- I'm sorry you had to see that.'' She whimpers and nods.

''You said her name was Alessa, is that what she told you?'' Elliot asks the guy while helping him up.

''Yeah, isn't it?''.. I hear Elena mutter 'freak' under her breath. I'm about to tell her to shut the fuck up when the guy beats me to it. ''She's anything but a freak'' he says.

I hear Elliot ask, ''What's your name?'' and he replies telling us that his name is Drew.

''Look I don't know why the fuck you guys came here, but all I can tell you is that yes, we did have sex and she did the coke. There's more to her but I don't think I'll ever be seeing her again, so.''

Elliot nods, ''thanks bro, we're leaving now... sorry about your...face.'' I have to hold back a smirk.

He closes the door and Elena is the first one to break the silence. ''So, are you seeing her again?''

''Yes! Is that a fucking problem?!'' I snap and she winces. I don't know why I can't just let her go...

''How? She barely comes to school and you can't just show up at her house asking her about Drew because she'll know that you were following her!'' Elliot tells me when I already fucking know that...

''I'll get to see her on Friday and Saturday.''

''Uh how?''

''She got me tickets to something, a concert or something I don't know...'' Yes, that will do... I wont mention the Alessa thing though. I'm sure it was nothing. I'm sure she just didn't want to give him her name because she thought he would turn out to be some sort of creep..

That has to be it... or is it...

* * *

**Just want to clear this up and say, that nothing will be happening between Ana and Drew. It was just meaningless sex.**


	9. Chapter 7

**Chapter VII | Anastasia's POV**

* * *

Have you ever felt like you were a stranger in your own home? Well if you have then you can probably relate to me.

After what happened with Drew last night, I told him to act like it never happened and I wasn't surprised to see that he didn't disagree. Men... They're assholes. I despise them.

My parents are giving me the cold shoulder because they were worried and haven't heard of me until I walked through the door. It's bullshit. They don't care they just act like they do because they're my parents.

It doesn't matter though, one day I'll be gone for good. They wont have to fake worry about me anymore.

* * *

Taking off my clothes, I step into the shower and let the water rain down on my face and lather every part of my body with soap.

Rubbing harder on my skin. I try to get rid of Logan's touch, Brad's touch, and even Drew's touch.

_Ana..._

My movements come to a halt. That whisper.. What the fuck?

_Ana listen to me..._

I turn the faucet to stop the water from running. Who is that? No one's in here with me yet I keep hearing that fucking whisper!

I grab the towel and wrap it around me and step out of the shower. Looking around me I see no one who could've possibly whispered to me, and nobody's there.

I'm just hearing stuff, I think to myself. I look at the smoky mirror and see that the name _Alessa_ has been written on it.

I quickly wipe it off and stare at myself. Alessa is the name I told Drew was mine. I move my face closer to the mirror and take in my appearance.

_Ana._

I gasp and jump back looking horrified! My reflection... My fucking reflection smirked and whispered my name!

I'm totally convinced that I'm going crazy right now! I run into my room and try to figure out what just happened

What in the fuck was that! I quickly get dressed and run downstairs and I pause and look at my parents. I back up and stand behind the wall. They're arguing about me...

''Ray she snuck out probably after midnight and went out to do God knows what... Face it, she's out of control and don't even try to deny it..''

''We just need to be there for her more. Check up on her, even!'' Ray defends.

I scoff and walk towards the door not caring if they see me. I walk out and slam it shut.

I need something.. I need to find Jason, I don't wanna feel like this. I don't wanna feel anything.

* * *

I've been sitting on the sidewalk for about 10 minutes. I lay back and look at the sky. I wanna escape. Get away from it all. The pain, and the suffering.

It astounds me knowing that when people are dying, the last thing they see is the sky or probably a ceiling.

_Ana..._

There it goes again... I sit up and look around.

_Ana follow my voice..._

I push myself up off the ground

_Follow my voice Ana, I can help you..._

I hear the voice coming from a corner down the street. I walk towards it and stop when I'm there. I wait..

_You're almost there Ana...Follow my voice..._

I'm walking towards an alleyway. Slowly making my way further into the alley, I see a door on the left.

_Go..._

I open the door and walk in, and it looks like someone's been living here. I see another door, which I assume is a bedroom, I open it and I see Jason and his 'associates'.

''Ana, what are you doing here?'' Jason asks.

''I followed Alessa's voice..'' I whisper to myself. Alessa's her name, but she's me, my reflection? I don't understand..

''I need something... Something strong... I need hera.'' I say to Jason.

''Woah, Ana.. I told you to take it easy on that stuff..''

''Fuck taking it easy, I need it. So give it to me!'' I yell, making him and his friends flinch. He has no right to tell me what to do.

''Chill damn! Blake..'' He nods over to my direction and Blake gives me exactly what I need.

I inject it, and the feeling of it flowing through your body is amazing. I don't think I'll ever get enough. I hear Alessa.

_I told you I'd help you..._

She was right... She was so right.

* * *

**Sorry this chapter is so short, but I have a serious case of writer's block. Lol**

.


	10. Chapter 8

**Chapter VIII | Christian's POV**

* * *

''Drop me off at Ana's place then wait for me'' I say while looking out the car window.

Elena scoffs then looks at me, ''why?''

Is this girl fucking serious! ''Just do it!'' I shout, causing everyone in the car to flinch.

''Alright. No need to fucking shout you asshole'' she scolds me. Thing is, I wouldn't have to shout if she would just stop being a bitch for once!

I still can't believe the rumors are true, and the weird thing is... is that, it still doesn't change how I feel about her.

If anything, it's just making me want her more and I don't know why. I mean, who knows? I could maybe convince her to stop doing drugs.

* * *

We arrive at Ana's place and I knock on the door, only to be met by an angry man. Probably Ana's dad... I feel nervous already.

''Who are you?'' He says. Obviously annoyed at the moment.

''Christian.. Uh Christian Grey sir.''

He's just about to reply when Carla comes up behind him.

''Ray is Ana back yet— Oh.. Hi Christian, what are you doing here?''

''I was just coming to see Ana.. I wanted to talk to her..'' I say.

''She just left about 10 minutes ago... We have no clue where she went off to.'' The guy named Ray says.

What? ''Well do you have any idea where she could've went? This is really important sir..''

''No, she just stormed off. Why? What's so important that you feel the need to speak to my daughter anyway? What are you to her? Her boyfriend?''

I wish. ''No sir, we just have a... uh—'' Fuck, should I tell them?

They look at me expectantly, raising their eyebrows. ''Uh.. we didn't finish our project, sir. It's due tomorrow and I'm sort of a nerd you see...'' I lie.

''Still? I thought you two finished it?'' Carla asks.

''We finished half of it!'' I blurt out. They look at me skeptically and then they nod.

''Alright.. When Ana comes back, we'll tell her to call you.''

I nod then turn to leave. I see Elliot eyeing something. I turn to see where he's looking and I see a pretty strawberry blonde girl with emerald green eyes. I see her at lunch a lot, I think her name's Kate.

''She's hot..'' He says. ''But she kinda looks suspicious don't you think?''

Looking back at her, I see what he means. She's looking around as if she doesn't want to get caught by a cop or something.

''Should we follow her? I wanna follow her.'' He says.

''You wanna follow Kate? Stalking is creepy you know. Besides, she's lame.'' Elena says while Leila snickers.

''Stalking is creepy? You should be the one to talk..'' I say, sarcastically. She scowls at me

''Fuck it and fuck you guys. I'm going.'' Elliot says. He starts to walk and Mia just looks at me with wide eyes and hesitantly follows.

I look back at Elena and Leila and they roll their eyes. Bitches. ''You guys go... If you need us, we'll be in the car waiting. Maybe.'' She smirks.

I wouldn't care if she waited or not. I hate seeing her face.

* * *

I start to follow Elliot and Mia and we see that Kate is walking in an alleyway. We wait by the wall so she doesn't see us.

Elliot moves his head towards the edge of the wall to peek at Kate then turns back to us. He looks at me ''Okay Ladybug'' What? The fuck? ''Kate just walked by a door and went in. So now the coast is clear.''

He then looks at Mia. ''Now, Dragonfly..'' Mia looks confused at him. ''Code names.'' He explains. I'm so done. ''Then what the heck are you?'' She asks.

''Batman, duh.''

''But how come Christian gets to be ladybug!'' She whines.

Are they really arguing about code names?! ''Fine, what ever! You're ladybug. Anyways, what we're gonna do is... I go first and let you guys know if it's alright to come too. Got it?''

I'm just annoyed... ''Roger that.'' Mia says. I just can't..

He looks at me expectantly and I say ''fine.'' He then gives me an annoyed expression.

''What?'' I ask.

Mia leans in and whispers in my ear. ''Say roger that..'' Oh come on! What are we? 12?!

''Roger that!'' I mock. He nods and starts walking against the wall and looking around. At what? I have no clue. We're the only ones in sight. He almost looks like a spy.. A dumb ass spy.

He looks back at us. ''Dragonfly, hum the mission impossible song!'' He whispers loud enough for both of us to hear.

Oh you got to be kidding me. ''No.'' I say and he scowls and goes back to walking towards the door.

He looks at us and nods. We see him opening the door and looking in. He gives us a thumbs up signaling that it's okay to go.

We start walking towards him and we all walk into the... what I assume is a room..

''What the hell is this place?'' Elliot whispers.

Mia and I shrug.

We see another door and Elliot puts his ear by the door to hear. ''There's people talking.. Mostly dudes'' He mouths to us.

His eyes go wide. ''What?'' I whisper.

''Dude he just said Steele, then the name Ana.'' He whispers back.

My eyes go wide. That's Ana's fucking last name. I barge into the room and Mia gasps. I'm too shocked. I see Ana... My Ana spread out on a bed, clearly doped up, surrounded by men. I recognize one as Jason and then I see a shocked Kate.

''Dude what the fuck yo? Where are all of you people coming from!'' One of the dudes yell.

I'm too shocked to even talk. I'm seeing drugs everywhere and I just wanna get my Ana out of here.

* * *

**Sooo? Kate was just introduced! What do you guys think? What do you think she was doing at that place? Tell me your thoughts.**

**Also, I thought I'd add a little humor to my story and of course it would be Elliot. Lol.**


	11. Chapter 9

**Quick authors note: **Yes, 2 POV's in one! I won't be doing this often, only when it's most necessary.

* * *

**Chapter IX | Katherine's POV**

''Goddammit Katherine... Just follow her! Don't pussy out now. Future journalists don't pussy out!'' I scold myself.

Ever since I overheard Elena talk about Anastasia Steele offering her body for drugs, I felt bad for her. My aunt Lillian died due to a Cocaine OD. So I always feel the need to help people who have drug addictions.

I know it's not my place, and I'm not some sort of counselor for a rehab center, but I help anyways.

I don't know why I wanna help Anastasia through this. I barely know her, I just can't handle another death. Even if it's someone I don't know.

I look around to see if anyone is watching me and then proceed to walk in the alleyway. Opening the door, I walk in and I immediately hear someone yelling.

''Fuck taking it easy, I need it. so give it to me!''

I'm frozen to my spot when I hear Ana's voice. God, do I go in? What if they have weapons!

''Chill Damn! Blake..''

It suddenly goes quiet. Okay Katherine time to grow some balls and man up. I take a deep breath and open the door.

My eyes go wide and I gasp at the sight of Ana with a syringe in the bend of my arm. She goes limp and lands on the bed.

''What the fuck! Who the fuck are you and close the damn door will you!''

I quickly shut the door behind me, I can't take my eyes off Ana.

''What did you do to her?'' I whisper breathlessly.

''Who? Steele? Nothing. Ana did it herself, so.''

I'm about to scream at him when the door flies open. Oh god. Please don't be the cops. I slowly turn my head to see who it is, and it's the Grey clan.

Great...

* * *

**Anastasia's POV**

I hear people screaming and arguing, but I feel too weak to open my eyes. Why would I want to open them when I'm in Paradise?

I feel so good, every worry of mine is gone. I never want this feeling to end. That's when I realized that... Alessa wasn't some imaginary friend, nor an alter ego.

But me. Alessa is me. A side of me, more dangerous yet alluring. She knows she can get anything she wants.

_Vixen she is._

Vixx craves the Hera. I crave the high.

Vixx understands how I feel, what I need. I'm already daring enough as it is, but Vixx is taking it to a whole new level.

And the thing is... I don't know whether to praise her, or to fear her.

* * *

I feel myself being carried. Feels nice. I feel like I'm floating, flying. Yet, Vixx doesn't want this. Vixx doesn't like this.

_Don't let them take you away..._

What? Who's taking me away? I try to open my eyes and see who it is but no such luck.

_Open your eyes..._

And that's all I need... Her push. I open my eyes and I see Christian carrying me, along with his brother and sister and some blonde chick.

_Don't let them take you away Ana..._

''What the fuck are you doing? Where are you taking me? Put me down!'' I firmly say. No one's taking me away!

He slowly puts me down. ''What the hell were you doing in there Ana? Fucking Heroin! Are you fucking crazy?! That's dangerous!''

Dangerous. That one word makes Vixx purr with glee.

''I don't fucking care! You don't get to tell me what to do! Stay the hell away from me!'' I snap.

''I can't... You're taking me to that concert on Friday and Saturday'' he reminds me.

_Good, show him the wild side..._

''Fine...'' I step closer, looking up at him with daring eyes. ''But after that... You stay the hell away from me.''

He looks at me with pleading eyes. Some where deep down, I feel bad for him. But Vixx is jumping with joy at the moment.

I turn to walk away, ''Wait Ana!'' The blonde chick says.

I don't hear it.. I keep walking..

''Ana!'' She yells.

I'm moving farther away, I almost can't hear her screams.

''Alessa!'' Christian yells twice as loud.

I turn around, Vixx is in the spotlight and she's loving it.

Their expressions are priceless. Vixx is laughing. I'm laughing. But this laugh of mine... It's different. I almost don't sound like myself.

I turn back around, and continue to walk away.

_I knew you could do it..._

And it was all because of you.

* * *

**Vixx is a nickname I decided to make up for Alessa. Because to me, she's a Female Vixen. So I'll be using that nickname a lot in this story. **


	12. Chapter 10

**Chapter X | Christian's POV**

* * *

It's now 1am and Friday. I'm driving to Ana's house because tonight we're going to that concert.

What I still can't seem to get out of my mind is the name Alessa

Who the hell is Alessa? Ana seems to be going by that name now. Ever since I called her out by that name I've been worried.

Why would she create an alias for herself?

But anyways, to be honest, I really don't wanna go to a concert. I'm only going because it's a great excuse to just hang out with her. I'd go to any suckish concert for her.

I know she told me to stay away after the concert is over but I don't think I can do that. Seeing her face makes my heart accelerate.

It confused me how relaxed I felt when her head was on my chest when I was carrying her out of that place.

I welcomed her touch, and that's what scares me the most because I've never welcomed anyone's touch...

* * *

I repeatedly tap the steering wheel with my thumb. I still can't believe I'm going to a concert. I don't even know who the artist is for fuck sake.

I get out of the car and walk towards her house.

I knock on the door and Ana opens it and comes out with a black travel bag. I eye her suspiciously and she looks at me confused, then the realization dawns in.

''I need clothes.'' She says.

''Yea, um—'' I clear my throat. ''Right.''

Trying so hard to get the image of her naked, out of my head. Her body must be so perfect...

''So... Are you just going to stand there? Or are you gonna show me to your car?'' She asks.

I shake my head to get rid of the thoughts, and nod my head. ''Follow me.'' I walk back to the car and open the door to the passenger side. She gets in and I get in the driver's seat and start the car.

''So... What we're gonna do is stay at a hotel. Sleep till maybe 9am, have breakfast. Chill, and go out and get some supplies for the... Concert—'' She says uncertainly. ''And we should be set by 11pm... That's when it starts. Got it?''

11pm... That's a rare time for a concert to start. Oh what ever. I nod and she gives me the directions of the hotel we'll be staying at.

* * *

''This is nice..'' I say as we walk into our hotel room.

''Yeah I know... You take the bed by the window.'' I nod.

A part of me is stoked I get to share a room for Ana. Another part of me is annoyed that it's only for 2 days.

I take my shirt off and put some gray sweats on.

Grabbing my toothbrush, I walk into the bathroom to see Ana in a white tank top and gray sweats and her hair tied up in a bun. She's all natural, and she still looks beautiful.

She's putting toothpaste on her toothbrush then hands the paste to me. I do the same and we start brushing our teeth at the same time.

I look at her in the mirror, only to catch her glancing at my chest then looking away. I start to feel uncomfortable.

We both finish at the same time and grab two small paper cups and full it with water. We start rinsing our mouth.

She spits the water back in the sink first then dries her mouth with a small bath towel then leaves.

I do the same and walk back to my bed.

I look at Ana and she looks peaceful when she sleeps. I turn off the lamp next to the bed and drift off to sleep.

* * *

_I'm hiding under the bed and I see the pimp kicking mommy in her stomach. I can't watch this any longer, I have to help my mommy!_

_I crawl out from under the bed and grab the pimps foot to try to stop him from kicking mommy again._

_''No Christian, no!'' Mommy yells._

_He ends up kicking me in the stomach, it hurts so much. Mommy make him stop!_

_''Leave him alone! Please he has nothing to do with this!'' Mommy begs_

_''I want my money you bitch!'' He screams._

_He stops kicking me and starts to drag me into the living room. I hear mommy crying. I'm crying too._

_He pushes me down on the sofa and slaps me repeatedly. _

_''Mommy'' I cry. _

_He laughs at me then takes my shirt off._

_He walks over to a little table and lights up a cigarette, I keep looking at the room where mommy is in. _

_He turns around and I look at him. He looks at me, then back to the cigarette, then back at me again and he smirks._

_He slaps me twice as hard that I land on the floor, my crying is getting louder. ''Mommy mommy please mommy!'' I cry out._

_He has this evil smirk on his face. _

_He brings the cigarette to me and smashes it on my chest. I scream._

* * *

I jolt awake, and I'm drenched in sweat. I wipe my face and pull at my hair.

I see light coming from the outside of our room.

Confused, I turn on the bedside lamp only to see that Ana's not in her bed. I jump up and walk towards the door. It's open.

I look outside the door to the right of the hallway and there's no one there.

I look to the left and I see Ana standing there, facing away from me. I slowly walk towards her.

Once I reach her, I walk in front of her and her eyes are open and she's staring at the end of the hall. She looks dazed.

''Ana..'' I say softly.

She doesn't acknowledge me. Is she sleepwalking?

''Anastasia..'' I say while I rub my hands up and down her arms. She's still looking straight ahead.

There's nothing there, what the hell is she looking at?

I turn back to face her and she's looking directly at me.

''Ana..'' I whisper.

She blinks a couple of times. ''What are we doing out here?'' She asks me, confused.

She must of been sleepwalking. ''Just come inside.''

She nods and walks back to her bed and quickly falls back asleep..

I stare at her for a couple of minutes before lying down on my bed. I gaze at the ceiling wonder what the hell just happened.


	13. Chapter 11

**Chapter XI | Anastasia's POV**

* * *

''Are you ready yet?'' Christian yells from outside the bathroom. It's 10:20pm. We've had breakfast, hung out, and bought outfits that I'm now changing into for LIC.

''Just hold on a sec, will you!''

I open the bathroom door and walk out and go straight to the mirror in the room and I check my outfit out and turn sideways and I check my back side.

I see Christian's reflection and he's sitting on the bed looking at his phone, but once he looks up he goes wide eyed and gasps.

He stands up, still wide eyed. He looks hot in his black tank top that has paint flowing out of a light bulb design and gray camo shorts, and a pair of vans.

''Wow'' he whispers.

I turn around and face him and his gaze lands on my tits. I saw that coming...

''You're going to the concert in that?'' He calmly asks me. I don't know if it's just me but he kind of looks angry.

''Duh.'' I say.

His eyes then roam and land on my thighs. Oh no, my cuts..

''Did you do that to yourself?''

His expression turns to pity.

''Yes.''

''Why?'' He says looking back up to my eyes.

I take a second to think before replying. ''I'm sad.''

I quickly turn around and look back into the mirror and apply the EOS lip balm on my lips and I hear his sharp intake of breath.

I look at his reflection and his staring at my hair I guess...

''You have a tattoo...'' Oh..

''Yes, I do.''

He walks closer to me and I halt putting the lip balm on my lips. Never taking my eyes off his reflection, I put the cap on and straighten my stance while rubbing my lips together.

''Can I see..'' He whispers.

I nod and he grabs all my hair and puts it over my left shoulder and gasps.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I'm trying to hide how angry I am while looking at Ana's outfit. Fuck, she looks so sexy.

She has camo booty shorts on and a black bra with camo designed flowers, rhinestones and a pair of vans with black knee high socks. Even her messy hair looks sexy!

Men are going to be eye fucking her! I don't like that one fucking bit.

What kind of fucking concert are we going to that she has to fucking dress like that?! Not that I'm complaining but damn! She's half naked!

I see her cuts and I can't help but to feel pity for her... She cuts herself... She said she's sad but why? I don't want her sad. if anything, I want to her happy all the fucking time.

I've never felt like this before, fuck!

She changes the subject by turning around and I can see her hair covering something on her back.. Shit, is that a tattoo?

I ask her if I can see it, and she nods.

I gently move her hair out of the way, and I can't help the gasp as it escapes my mouth.

Angel wings...

I'm not a fan of tattoos on girls, but her tattoo is just... WOW.

I glide my fingers on her soft back and she shivered, making the wings look like they actually moved. It's amazing, beautiful.

* * *

**Anastasia's POV**

I stare at his face from the mirror and he's looking at my tattoo, he glides his finger softly across my back, I shiver under his touch and his eyes go wider.

''Amazing...'' He whispers.

What's amazing? I always thought it was just, I don't know... Less than amazing?

He looks at my eyes in the mirror and whispers, ''so beautiful.''

There's something about those gray eyes... They lure me in somehow, but I can't let that happen, I have to break this moment.

I blink, ''are you ready?''

He seems to snap out of it and nods, I grab the keys and exit the room, waiting for him to get his phone.

He finally walks out, but I stop him.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

Grabbing my phone, I walk out of the room only to be stopped by Ana.

''You have to look me in my eye and tell me that you'll have fun tonight..''

There's something about the way she said that sentence that makes me not want to repeat it... Almost as if it has a double meaning. But I say it anyways...

''I will have fun tonight.'' I say while looking deep in her beautiful blue eyes.

She searches my eyes as if she's trying to tell if I'm lying or not.

''Okay.'' She says before leading the way to the car.

I hope this fucking concert is worth it...

* * *

**Follow www dot pinterest dot com / rachelleeexo / saving-a-rebellious-wallflower/ for visuals of the story.**


	14. Chapter 12

**Chapter XII | Anastasia's POV**

* * *

We have a few more minutes till the rave starts, so we're waiting by the entrance and the people walking past us are literally trying not to laugh at Christian right now.

''There, try that.'' I say, annoyed.

Teaching Christian how to shuffle is the most frustrating thing ever. He learned the Running Man move quickly but he's slowly, and I mean slowly... learning how to do the T-Step.

I combined both of the moves and when he did it he looked like he was about to break his fucking leg!

''Okay.. Okay stop!'' I say forcefully.

He stops the humiliating dancing and looks at me as if I've grown two heads.

''What? Okay Ana seriously! Why do we have to do this freaking dance at a concert!'' He says.

Knowing that he's this clueless makes me want to laugh. I mean, we're wearing rave outfits and doing rave dances for crying out loud!

''You know what? You're right... Just do the running man and the jumper alright? The T-Step isn't for everybody!''

''YO YO YO everybody!'' The DJ, Christian S. of the Adventure Club duo, announces. I quickly grab Christian's arm and run towards the stage so we can be as close to the stage as possible.

''Ana what the fu-''

''Shut up and run Christian!'' I scream.

We make it there and I am pleased at our spots. We're so close to the stage. It's so dark, the stage lights and the people with glow sticks makes it even more beautiful.

''If you're getting fucked up tonight, make some fucking noooiiiiiiseeee!''

Everybody including myself screams. I look at Christian and he's just looking around, I wish I knew what he was thinking.

''No no no, what was that? I said, if you're getting fucked up tonight, make some fucking NOOOIIISEEEEE!'' He yells.

The crowd's screams get louder and I see Christian shaking his head and holding in a smile. He's probably putting together all the puzzle pieces and realizing where the hell he is right now.

''Yeah, you see! That's what the fuck I'm talking about!'' The music is starting, I can hear the rhythm.

I quickly put my hand in my bra and take out my pills.

''Here.'' I say holding the hand out with the pill to Christian.

''No... What the hell is that?'' He asks, shocked.

''It's Ecstasy Christian. Don't be such a baby! If it makes you feel any better, I won't take one! Just you. I want you to experience this, the right way! After this is over, I'll get us home safe.''

He looks to me, then back to my hand, then back to me.

''You swear?'' He asks, while hesitantly taking the pill, I give him a bottle of water.

''Just take it and enjoy Christian.''

He sighs, ''fuck it..'' He puts the pill in his mouth and downs the bottle of water.

I smile, and turn my face back to the stage. Christian S. Tosses the mic to Leighton, the other DJ of the duo.

''Scream if you're with me!'' Leighton shouts.

I find myself shocked and very pleased seeing that Christian participated in the screaming!

_Take the pill Ana..._

Oh no... Her voice...

_Do it..._

I give in to Vixx's demand, but I only take half a pill, it won't even last that long, and I manage to do it without Christian catching me.

The beautiful song is playing, I look up at the sky and think to myself... This is life. This is what it's about.

_**Only sunshine, under the bright sky. **_

_**Only sunshine, under the bright sky.**_

I feel the E kicking in my system... It feels like heaven.

_**When the words are like bullets and they break through your skin,**_

_**and there's no way to get them all out. **_

_**When it feels like a rush seeping into your soul,**_

_**Stay gold, stay gold, stay gold.**_

I look over to Christian and I see that he's looking at the stage and all the lights surrounding it, he's in a daze. He's enjoying it.

_It's the wild side..._

Yes, it is.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I feel... weird, a good weird. Almost relaxed.

The bass drops and everyone, including me and Ana are jumping and throwing our hands in the air. Most are doing peace signs, but Ana is doing the Rock On hand sign and I find myself copying her.

This is so fun, so different...

_**You were always searching, for something out there,**_

_**out of reach, couldn't stop you, couldn't hold you back, **_

_**you were so real. So real.**_

I'm looking at Ana in awe. She's so lost in the music, so beautiful.

_**When the words are like bullets and they break through your skin, **_

_**and there's no way to get them all out, **_

_**when it feels like a rush seeping into your soul, **_

_**Stay gold, stay gold, stay gold.**_

The music starts to fade and I notice that a different DJ has come on stage. I can hear a new song starting in the background. The beat is making me want to do the 'Running Man' as Ana calls it, believe it or not. The DJ starts to speak.

''This is what we're gonna do! We wanna show the whole world that DC goes the fucking hardest out of every state!''

The crowd starts screaming, many DJ's are walking on stage now. The crowd starts screaming again! And the attractive female dancers on stage are doing their thing. Makes the whole scene look trippy.

_**Oh I like it when you break down low, **_

_**oh I like it when you break... down... low.**_

The song changes again to a more upbeat song.

_**Clap your hands. Clap clap your hands. Clap your hands. **_

_**Clap clap your hands. Clap your hands. Clap your hands.**_

We start clapping our hands, jumping, screaming! Ana's eyes are closed, and she's doing the 'Running Man' and the 'T-Step' she's so lost in the music is amazes me.

Next thing you know. I feel someone spraying something on the crowd. They're spraying us with fucking paint! Ana seems to enjoy this. So why can't I? Fuck, I'll enjoy it for her sake.

The DJ's are jumping, they're enjoying it as much as the crowd is. The rave lights are all over the place. It's pretty fucking awesome if you ask me.

I hear the song change to a song that Mia plays a lot, but it's remixed so that's cool...

_**All day, all night, **_

_**I got the lights in my eyes and now I'm falling for you**_

_**All day, all night, **_

_**I got the lights in my eyes and now I'm falling for you**_

_**All day, all night, **_

_**I got the lights in my eyes and now I'm falling for you**_

_**Keep cool, stay young, I'm just having my fun with the lessons in love.**_

Bass drops, and beautiful fireworks go off, along with the people spraying paint on us, and the crowd goes crazier than ever, but then I look at Ana and she's looking around the crowd frantically, scared. She's breathing hard as well.

''Ana you okay?'' I scream in her ear so that she can hear me.

She looks at me wide eyed and then she looks at something behind me and then she goes limp, she faints.

I grab her so that she doesn't fall on the ground and get pummeled on. I then look behind me.

Nothing. I see nothing but the people surrounding us jumping up and down.

I need to get her out of here and find out what the fuck just happened!

* * *

**Hello loves, so this chapter is pretty long to me but I just want to tell you the all the song names (if you don't like dubstep/trap type music, don't listen):**

**\- Yuna | Gold (Adventure Club Remix)**

**\- Crypsis | Break Down Low (Suddenbeatz Remix)**

**\- Deorro | Yee (Original Mix)**

**\- Kaskade ft. Neon Trees | Lessons In Love (HeadHunterz Remix)**

**I will be posting the songs on my Pinterest just in case you can't find the right one.**

**www dot pinterest dot com /rachelleeexo/saving-a-rebellious-wallflower/**


	15. Chapter 13

**Chapter XIII | Anastasia's POV**

* * *

_I find myself sitting on a big gray rock surrounded by water,and trees that are amazingly colorful._

_I'm staring at the water, but then suddenly something caught my attention from my peripheral vision, looking beside me, the figure turns to me, I gasp and take in her appearance. It's me._

_Her eyes are different though. They're a mesmerizing yet sinister shade of violet, while mine are just plain blue. Her eyes scream 'dangerous'. They scream 'Vixx'._

_''Hello Ana...'' Vixx says while giving me a venomous grin._

_I don't answer, I can't answer. I move my mouth but the words just aren't coming out. It's almost like I'm not the one controlling myself._

_''You may speak...'' She says._

_''Where am I?'' I ask softly._

_''That's a question I can't answer Ana...''_

_''Why not?'' _

_She doesn't say a word, she just stares at me, smiling. It's quite comforting but also disturbing, the smile makes the hair on my arm rise._

_''Do you like it here Ana?...'' _

_I nod. Who wouldn't? It looks magical._

_''I can bring you here, for good. But you have to do everything I say...'' She says._

_I want to be here, it's magnificent. Unlike the dull boring world I live in._

_''What do I have to do?''_

_''First, see and feel what's happening, I'll be guiding you through the rest, just listen to my voice...''_

_I immediately see the magical place shaking, I feel myself shaking. But now, everything is fading. The last thing I see is Vixx, who is now standing in front of me. Deep violet eye to blue eye, nose to nose, mischievous smile, to fearful smile._

_''Never let them take you away from me...''_

* * *

''Ana! Wake up.''

My eyes open and I see Christian hovering above me.

''Oh thank god.'' His breathing slows.

I look around and we're back in the hotel room, and everything comes back to my memory. The rave, and the black figures I saw.

''Ana what the fuck happened last night?''

I shake my head and dash to the bathroom to throw up. It was real, or at least I think it was..

I feel Christian holding my hair and rubbing my back.

''Are you okay?'' He asks me.

I nod my head. He looks like he wants to ask me more questions, but he leaves it at that. Good boy.

''Well I'm already set, so you can go ahead and take a shower then we can head back..'' He turns to leave and closes the bathroom door on his way out.

I sigh.

* * *

The car ride is quiet but he breaks the silence first, ''it was great, the rave...''

I don't feel like speaking so I just nod and lean my head on the window.

''We have to talk about what happened last night Ana. Why did you faint? Did you see someone?''

I have no fucking idea as to what I saw. Can he just drop it?

As if he's reading my mind, he doesn't ask anymore questions throughout the ride home.

''So, I'll see you tomorrow Ana..''

Wow, this time it's not a question. I guess his balls are growing after all.

He looks down to the ground and rubs the back of his neck, ''But if you ever need somebody to talk to... I'll be here. Alright?''

Why the hell would I need to talk to him? I just nod.

''Oh and thank you for taking me to that rave... It's not my scene, the ecstasy was too much but it was awesome...''

''You're welcome, I guess.''

''Hm, alright, bye.''

He walks away and I can't help but to stare at him while he leaves. He starts the car and gives me one last wave and he's gone.


	16. Chapter 14

**Chapter **XIV | Anastasia's POV****

I advise you to listen to Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace, while reading this chapter. Suits it a bit.

* * *

_Video Journal Entry #1_

_So, this is my first video journal entry. This is so stupid but I don't know another way to just spill my feelings out there, I've always been one to keep my feelings bottled in, but I just need to vent and this is the stupidest yet the only option I had.. Well I did have another option,_

_To write it down in a composition book, but my parents could easily snoop and I have a password set on my laptop so they won't be able to find this, so yeah...here goes nothing..._

_God it's even hard to say this but I'm scared.. There I fucking said it... I'm scared._

_I'm hearing voices... At first it was just Vixx, but now it's just, all wrong.. he's a man.. and they both won't stop talking to me, they tell me things that I already fucking know about myself... 'You're a fuck up', 'a failure', I mean I know, but being reminded over and over again, just... it gets to me. _

_I'm also seeing things, black figures... I can feel them too *looks around, and wipes a single tear away*_

_I'm hearing them so much, and the thing is... *whimpers* I'm the only one that sees and hears them.._

_What's happening to me? _

_*Starts sobbing uncontrollably*_

_They're calling me weak now... I'm so scared... They're so loud, I need Hera... It'll stop this. But I just don't have any! I'm getting so frustrated.._

_It's been two days since I saw the same fucking figures at the rave... Fuck I hate crying... They're right, I am weak._

_I have fifteen minutes until I have to be at school, so I guess this is laters, even though I think I won't even be making another one of these video journals.._

_I just hope the voices stop... *whimpers and sighs* bye... *turns off the webcam*_

* * *

I wipe the tears off my face and grab the keys for my car.

My parents have noticed what's been going on, they're just afraid that I'll shut them out if they ask me what's wrong..

I don't think I would.. Truth is, I wish I could cuddle with my mom like I use to and tell her everything I feel, but it's not that easy.

Be strong Ana... But how? I'm weak, truth be told.

This whole strong, I'm a bitch thing is just a facade for everybody. I never let people see me cry. No, only the moon at night can hear my cries.

* * *

I feel Christian looking at me...

But I'm too busy looking at the window of the class room door, I see her.

Vixx.

That dream made her eyes look violet, but they're black. So black, they're sinister, and she's smiling at me, even creepier.

I'm gripping on the desks, so hard that my hands are hurting.

_Look at her, she's nervous... _

That wasn't Vixx, it was the man's voice, It scares me so much..

_I can see you sweating..._

He says.

I hear Vixx laugh... Fuck, they're so fucking loud!

The teacher must of called on me because all the eyes are now focused on me. Just what I needed...

''Anastasia, I said would you come here please?''

I look at the class room door's window, she's not there... Thank god.

I nod and get up,

''Ana?''

I look at Christian and his face screams 'concern'

''Are you okay?''

No. No, I'm not, but I'm gonna lie to you... ''Yes'' I whisper back.

I walk over to the teacher, eyes are still on me.

_They see you Ana... _

The man says.

Mrs. Teal is saying something but I just can't hear her, so I just nod at everything she says.

She finally dismisses me by a wave of her hand.

I turn around.

_All eyes on you Ana... _

I'm gonna name you Asshole, because that's what you are! I reply in my mind.

_They're laughing at you... Don't you see?..._

I look at all of the people and some of them are snickering, I feel so exposed.

I avoid the voices and walk to my seat, I see Christian looking at me..

_Don't avoid me, he thinks you're a joke..._

I hate you, Asshole, shut the fuck up!

I hate feeling all their eyes on me.. I wanna punch every single one of them!

_Turn around Ana..._

I gasp, I can feel her... I can sense her.

Oh no, not here, not in front of all these people.

I refuse to turn around and make a fool out of myself. I flat out refuse..

I suddenly look at a top corner in the room, to see that it's burning..

Gasping, I look at all the kids, can't they see it?

The whole wall is being burned. the scenery is changing right before my eyes, what the fuck is happening!?

_I told you to turn around..._

At this point I'm breathing so hard I think my lungs are about to explode..

I turn around and I regret it immediately, I see her.

Vixx, looking exactly like me, but with black eyes, and with a smile so frightening. I also see the black figures.

I fall to the ground, and start crawling backwards...

Shaking my head from side to side, I start sobbing as they start following me..

What was once a class room, is just blank...

I move so that I'm now on my knees.. I shake my head from side to side violently while letting some tears fall.

''This can't be real!'' I say..

I notice that Vixx is now crouching down in front of me, with that same creepy smile on her face.

She stares at me before she lets out the scariest abrupt scream that causes me to cry and scream as well.

I also hear voices in the background. So fucking loud!

''GET OUT OF MY HEAD!'' I look at the floor, sobbing and screaming while putting my hands over my ears trying to block out the loudness.

''Ana!'' That voice... It's Christian!

Everything is starting to fade away, but one thing is getting much more clearer, Christian's face...

''Ana, calm down... It's okay...'' He soothes me, he looks like an angel.

Please, help me Christian...

His face is the last I see before the blackness kicks in.


	17. Chapter 15

**Chapter XV | Christian's POV**

* * *

Something's up with Ana, I can tell.. She's gripping so hard on her desk and she's breathing so hard, she looks like she's been crying too.

The teacher called her up and it's like she didn't hear her, the whole class is looking at her now. She called her a second time and finally got her attention.

She keeps looking at the class room door. What is she looking at? She gets up and I ask her if she's okay and she tells me yes. I'm not convinced.

Teal says something and then dismisses Ana. For a moment Ana pauses and looks at the whole class. Some of the people are laughing at her.

She proceeds to walk to her desk, but then pauses and lets out a soft gasp. I see that she's breathing hard again.

She looks at something at the far end of the class room, and then her eyes suddenly go wide, and she starts frantically looking at all the people in the class.

''What the fuck is wrong with her?'' I hear Elena ask. I glare at her.

The teacher's expression matches each and every one of the students.

Ana turns around and she suddenly falls to the ground which causes the whole class to stand. She crawls back as if she's running from something.

She's shaking her head no, while crying and covering her ears. Something just isn't right...

''This can't be real!''

I look at the teacher and she's calling someone on the class room phone. Then I turn my head and I see all the students crowding over Ana, looking shocked and concerned, all trying to see what's happening.

Ana suddenly screams, ''GET OUT OF MY HEAD!'' _Oh fuck this._

I walk quickly towards her and I shake her, ''Ana!'' I say.

I feel her relax in my touch, but she's whimpering, ''Ana, calm down... It's okay...'' I say gently as I hold her, she looks at me as if I'm some kind of alien.

Then her eyes close.

''I think she needs to go to the nurse or something..'' one of the students say, breaking the silence.

''Yes, I think so too.. Christian will you carry her to the Nurse's office.'' Ms. Teal say, worried.

What the fuck. She has some kind of psychotic breakdown and they ask me to take her to the school nurse? I guess I can get her a pass to go home...

I simply nod, and I pick her up. She's not heavy, she's pretty light. I put her bag on her stomach and I throw my book bag on my right shoulder, and I walk to the front of the class where Teal gives me a pass.

Teal opens the door for me and I walk her towards the office which isn't far at all.

Then a class room door opens, revealing that Kate girl, she looks my way and looks shocked. _Stay where you are Kate! _

And of course she does the complete opposite and walks toward me, ''what happened?'' She asks, not taking her eyes off Ana.

''She had some kind of psychotic breakdown in the class room.''

Ana starts to stir, and she opens her beautiful eyes. ''W-Where are you taking me?'' She asks, softly.

''To the nurse's office.'' I say, as if I'm talking to a little child.

She shakes her head, and squeezes her eyes shut, ''Take me home.''

''Ana.. I-''

''Take me home, Christian.'' She says more forcefully.

I look over to Kate... She looks back at me and says, ''Um... I- I know a way out of here...''

I sigh heavily, ''Lead the way, Kate..''

She complies.

* * *

We dodged a lot of security and made it to Ana's car.

''Where's her keys?'' Kate asks.

''I don't know, check her bag.''

She goes through her bag and pulls out her car keys and opens the door.

Kate pushes the passenger seat to the front, and gets in the back. ''Wow it smells really good in here, smells like cinna-berry.'' She says, leaning forward to inspect the little tree air freshener hanging on the mirror, ''Yep it's cinna-berry.''

''Um what the hell are you doing?'' I ask, ignoring what she just said.

''I'm coming with you!''

''No you're fucking not!''

''FINE!'' She gets out, I want to smirk at her but I don't.

I push the seat back and place Ana in the passenger seat and buckle her in and I close the door.

''What do you mean she had some a psychotic breakdown?'' Kate asks, softly.

I turn to her, ''I don't know what I mean... She just kept crying, and saying 'this can't be real'.''

''What can't be real?''

''I don't know, I want her to open up to me so I can find out and maybe try to help her.''

''You care about her..'' She says.

''I guess I do.''

''You 'guess' you do?''

''Okay I do.. a lot.''

She smiles and nods, then turns to walk away.

* * *

I get into the drivers seat and then I start the car, wow Kate was right, it does smell good in here.

I start the car, and back out of the parking lot.

Ana starts to stir and whimpers again. I immediately pull over.

''Ana, what's wrong?'' I ask her, shaking her softly.

''They won't stop talking...'' She murmurs. Who won't stop talking?

''Please hurry, take me home..'' She says.

I nod and I drive faster than I was going before.

At this point Ana's covering her ears again and squeezing her eyes shut tight.

* * *

We make it to her house and Ana quickly takes her house keys out of her purse and jumps out of the car, opens her front door, not caring if she drops her keys.

She runs straight to her room. I go to the car and grab her bag and keys.

Suddenly I hear music, loud music coming from her room.

I walk in her house and close the door, walking up the stairs and to her room, I hear the words of the song.

_**It's just what I imagined**_

_**I'm lost in my bedroom**_

_**It's just what I imagined**_

I cautiously open her door wider and I see her dancing with her eyes closed.

What the hell? She wanted me to take her home just so she could dance?

Oh what ever. I take a moment to just watch her move. She's almost in a complete trance. I've never seen anyone so beautiful.

When the song ends, she just falls on her bed.

''How are you feeling?'' I ask.

''Like shit''

I walk over to her bed and lay down next to her, she turns to face me.

''What happened in class Ana?'' I ask softly.

She scoffs, ''you'd think I'm crazy''

''I already think you're crazy.'' She lets out a soft giggle and I get this weird feeling in my stomach. A good weird feeling.

''I just feel like I'm going insane..''

''Why do you feel like that?''

''Why do you care?'' Baby I care more than you think...

''Is it such a crime to care for someone?''

She suddenly sits up so I do the same.

''Please tell me what happened back there in class..'' I beg

''Christian it's so hard to explain..'' she tells me while staring at absolutely nothing.

I courageously grab her hand and entwine our fingers together.

''Just tell me..''

She takes a deep breath, and I brace myself for what ever she's about to say.

''Whenever I look in the mirror, there's a monster staring back at me... It's my reflection but at the same time, it's not..'' She looks at me.

''There's voices in my head, I used to only hear Vixx-''

''Vixx?''

''Her name is Alessa, I just call her Vixx..''

Suspicions confirmed.

''But now I hear someone else, it's a man... They're so fucking loud.. I even see Vixx, with her black eyes, sinister smile... and these black figures..''

I don't even know what to say, but one thing I'm not gonna do, is judge her.

''I just need to shoot up and it will all go away.'' She suddenly stands up and puts on her shoes.

''I just need to shoot up'' she whispers.

''Ana where the hell are you going?'' I ask.

''I need to find Jason, I need to make the voices stop. I need Hera.''

Oh no... I'm not letting you do that.

''Ana stay.'' I say

''No.. I can't''

I grab her arms and she fights me, ''let me go Christian! I need the voices to stop please!''

''I'm not letting you go there Ana!'' I yell.

''Fucking let me go!'' she repeatedly punches my chest. It hurts but right now I have to endure it, I can't let her go back there.

Somehow we both end up on the bed, she's on the bottom, still trying to fight me. So I use both of my hands to pin them on each side of her head, and I entwine our fingers.

''Listen to me Ana, I can't let you go back there...''

She's whimpering and it kills me to see her cry but I can't let her go...

We stay there for a couple of minutes, staring into each other's eyes. She relaxes eventually and her breathing evens out.

Those beautiful blue eyes... They mimic the ocean, and I feel like I'm drowning every time I look into them.

I stare at her lips, and I can no longer control myself. I leant in and my lips gently rubbed against hers, they met very gently, licking her lips she responded by letting out a soft gasp, it gave my tongue access... my tongue made it's way into her mouth, we're tasting each other, and she tasted deliciously unique. The way her tongue moved with her lips made my heart race a little.

She pulled back, and it took a moment for me to catch my breath before I opened my eyes only to reveal her beautiful face with tears welling up in her eyes.

* * *

**Song: Sky Ferreira - Lost In My Bedroom.**

**Also... Follow the story's pinterest: www dot pinterest dot com/saving-a-rebellious-wallflower/**


	18. Chapter 16

**Chapter **XVI | Anastasia's POV****

* * *

Rage. Fury. Confusion. Want. Guilt.

He kissed me, he just kissed me. I use all my strength to push him off of me.

''What the hell! Why did you just kiss me!'' I yell at him.

He looks somewhat dazed and confused. It's then when I feel something run down my cheek. I wipe it off with my finger only to realize that it's a tear.

I immediately cover my face. I can't let him see me like this.

_You weak stupid little girl..._

Fucking shut up already Asshole! You're killing me! I hear them laughing.

I feel my bed dip to the side, and I feel Christian moving my hands away from my face. He lifts my chin up with his fingers and I'm hypnotized by those dark gray eyes.

''Ana..'' He whispers to me, ''I don't know what it is about you... but I can't stop thinking about you. You're always running through my mind every fucking day. I know you want me to stay away but I just can't, it's impossible.''

''Please stop..'' I can't listen to this.

_He's going to hurt you... Don't listen to him..._

''I know he will..'' I whisper to her.

''Huh?'' and I'm brought back to Christian.

''Please leave.'' I simply tell him.

''I'm not gonna fucking leave you Ana! Don't you understand! You've completely bewitched me!'' At this point his eyes are a darker shade of gray, to the point where they look black. ''You're amazing to me, so beautiful'' His voice softens.

I stand up ''shut up, just shut the fuck up!'' I yell at him.

''I'm not shutting up! You're so fucking infuriating! Yet I wouldn't want or have you any other way!'' He yells back and now he's inches in front of me. God he's tall.

''You don't have me at all.'' I challenge him.

''Then I'll do whatever it takes just to have all of you.''

Why is my heart racing like this? Why do I wanna cry? Why does it pain me to hear his beautiful soft spoken promises?

_He deserves better, you're trash... _

''Please shut up..'' I whisper.

''I'm not shut-''

''Not you..'' I correct him.

''Who?''

''Doesn't fucking matter! I want you out of my house!'' I scream at him and point to my room door.

His eyes are pleading with me, ''LEAVE!'' I scream louder than before, and he flinches.

''You're crying.'' What?

As if he can read my unspoken question he uses his fingers to wipe the tears falling from my eyes.

I slap his hands off me and turn away from him.

''Why are you hiding from me?'' He says softly.

''Why do you want me?'' I ask.

''I dream of you every night. I dream of kissing you. I dream of helping you through your bad addictions. Your blue eyes are beautiful yet they're sad. I hate it so much because I want you, more than anything, and you don't feel the same way. I wanna make you happy, and this is the first time I've ever felt any sort of emotion towards someone and it's towards you Ana, it's only you.''

I can't hold back my tears anymore. I start to sob. He wraps his arms around me and holds me from behind and leaves soft kisses on my neck. Without thinking, I lean my head to the side to give him more access.

''I'm not gonna hurt you. Just let me in, baby.''

He called me baby..

I wrap my arms around myself and stifle a sob.

''Are you gonna let me in?'' He asks me, still holding me.

I feel so safe in his arms. Almost like how I felt with my Nana before she died...

I wanna nod my head to his question but I just can't right now, so I give him an answer.

''I'm scared, Christian..''

''So am I, but I'll help you through this... Just promise me no more drugs please.'' He pleads with me.

I immediately tense up and turn around, ''but they help the voices go away, they help me feel better.''

''It's an illusion Ana. It's dangerous.''

''I like danger.'' I say never taking my eyes off of him.

His lips quirk up, ''I know you do... but I don't wanna lose you.''

''You never had me in the first place.''

Now his grin gets bigger, ''Like I said Anastasia, I will do just about anything just to have you all to myself.''

What do you call that feeling? When your tummy just feels like its doing somersaults? Butterflies, is it? Well I'm feeling that right now. But I won't let him know that I'm feeling them with him. Last time I felt it, I was 11 and got myself in a bad situation.

''I wanna kiss you again, will you let me?'' He whispers loud enough for me to hear.

I'm so scared, my heart is beating so hard, but I nod anyway.

He leans and our lips touch.

I'm lost, his touch does things to me, makes me wanna feel again, makes me feel wanted. The voices in my head are fading, and the only thing I can hear is our hard breaths when we pull apart, do to the sound of someone clearing their throat, we both look towards my door only to be faced with my parents. My mom is smirking but Ray... well like the overprotective dad he is, is glaring at Christian.

Shit.


	19. Chapter 17

**Chapter XVII | Christian's POV**

* * *

It's been 3 days since we kissed, the kissed that changed everything.

And also 3 days since I was confronted by her parents. Well her dad mostly. And believe me when I said it was not pretty at all.

_*Flashback*_

_After pulling apart from our kiss, still breathless. We both face her bed room door, only to be met by her mom Carla and her dad. Fuck, he looks pissed._

_Being a gentleman, I clear my throat and stick my hand out to her dad and introduce myself. ''Hello Mr. Steele, I'm Christian Gr-'' _

_I couldn't finish my sentence because he now has me pushed up against the wall. I'm fucking shocked. He's not touching my chest, but my arms. Still shocking though._

_''Dad!'', ''Ray!'' I hear Ana and Carla yell in unison, Carla comes to try to pull him off of me, but he's strong and only seems to be focusing on me._

_''What are your intentions with my daughter?'' He asks me in a serious tone._

_I keep my cool, ''Mr. Steele, I can definitely understand why you're feeling the way you-''_

_''Do you? Do you have a kid? Is that how you know how I feel? Cause you have a kid yourself!? What did you do? Get an innocent girl pregnant!'' He's full on yelling at me._

_I'm staring wide eyed. I guess the secret has to come out sooner or later, even if it's full on embarassing... ''Sir, I promise you I don't have a kid... I don't even have se-'' His glare gets more intense, ''I'm not even sexually active, sir.'' I say. _

_''You're a virgin.'' He simply states, and I nod. I look back at Ana, she looks... Shocked, jealous? And scared. Why jealous and scared though?_

_I think I've been looking at her for so long because I haven't noticed that Mr. Steele has let me down._

_''It's nice to meet you son, I'm Mr. Steele, Anastasia's father.'' He says in a much more welcoming voice and now has a smile on his face. Can you say, bipolar? _

_If this situation wasn't so serious, I would've laughed at his change in demeanor. _

_''Mr. Steele, I'm Chri-''_

_''Ray'' he interrupts me._

_''Sir?'' I say, confused._

_''Call me Ray.'' _

_I look back at the two women and they look annoyed._

_''Ray, sir. I'm Christian-''_

_''Nevermind call me Mr. Steele.'' _

_''Dad!'' Anastasia yells._

_I clear my throat, ''Mr. Steele, allow me to introduce myself, um again..'' I say uncomfortably. ''I'm Christian Grey. A friend of your daughter's.''_

_''Friends kiss nowadays?'' He asks me._

_I cough, still uncomfortable with this conversation, ''Um, no sir. I've liked your daughter since my first day at Seattle Prep.'' I look at Ana, ''She caught my eye, and no other girl ever has, sir.''_

_''That's a nice thing to say, don't you think Anastasia?'' He looks at her and she rolls her eyes and nods._

_''You see Christian, that is my baby girl. No matter how old she gets, she will always be my baby girl.'' He walks closer to me, so that he's now standing right in front of me, ''and if you hurt her, I have a shot gun and I will personally shoot your dick and balls off son.'' He threatens me in a hushed voice, so the girls can't hear. _

_I gulp, terrified and nod. ''Y-yes sir.''_

_He backs up and clasps his hands together and smiles. Bipolar._

_''Great, not that that's been settled, anyone up for Chinese?''_

_*End of Flashback*_

I still shudder when I think about it.

I've noticed that Ana is still shocked by the fact that I'm a virgin. She stares at me in awe. Not that I'm complaining.

Speaking of shocked, everyone at school was pretty shocked when I drove Anastasia to school and opened her door for her like a gentleman, of course she thought it was silly.

They were all gossiping about us. But I don't fucking care.

At lunch, Ana and I decided to sit by ourselves, and or course she wanted to be by herself but I wouldn't leave her. I never want to leave her.

Surprisingly, it was Mia who joined us first, then Elliot, and then Kate.

Kate looked pretty nervous to ask to sit with us, I think she has a sort of thing for Elliot. Which is cool because he likes her as well. They just don't know it yet.

Ana looked uncomfortable having so many people sit with her, probably because she's alone most of the time.

They were all trying to get to know her better but she's a closed off person.

It was then when, ''Oh em gee, Ana you should come to our party tomorrow night, so should you Kate!'' Mia says, clapping her hands excited,

''I would love to!'' Kate says and Elliot gives her a small smile which makes her blush.

''No thanks..'' Ana replies and Mia's face falls, then she does the fucking puppy eyes. It always gets to Elliot and I, hopefully it won't work for Ana.

Ana looks weirded out by her face, I almost wanna laugh, she has this cute little ''V'' that forms between her eyes when she's confused. But then her expression changes, fuck she's giving in.

''Fine.'' she finally answers and Mia claps.

I lean in to whisper in her ear, ''you don't have to go if you don't want to.''

She looks at me, as if it hurt to hear me say that, ''don't you want me to?'' she asks.

''Of course I do. I just don't want her pressuring you.'' I reassure her.

She searches my eyes, trying to see if I'm lying, I guess she doesn't find anything because she smiles, and nods.

And there goes that weird stomach feeling again.

I take a sip of my Gatorade and she leans in to whisper in my ear, ''If the party sucks, I'm gonna take you home, and I'm gonna fuck you.''

FUCK. I spit out my drink, and it lands on Elliot who ends up glaring at me, while the whole cafeteria bursts out in laughter.

Ana innocently puts the straw in her mouth and sips her Gatorade while I, adjust my pants.


	20. Chapter 18

**Chapter **XVIII | Anastasia's POV****

* * *

''Ana there's someone here to see you!'' I hear my mom yell.

I close my laptop half way and sigh. I walk lazily out of my room and downstairs and what I see, confuses me.

Mia and Kate.

''Ana!'' Mia squeals and runs toward me, embracing me in a hug.

''Um..'' I look at my mom confused and by the look of it, she's confused too. I pat Mia awkwardly on the back, ''what are you guys doing here?''

''Well..'' Mia backs away from me and looks toward Kate then back to me. ''My party is tonight so I thought I'd give you two a makeover.'' She claps and squeals while smiling widely.

I look at Kate and she shrugs, I turn my attention back to Mia and am about to say something when, ''Anastasia I think that would be a great idea!''

I look toward my mom and raise my eyebrows. ''See Ana! Even your mom thinks that's a great idea! We can even do your mom's make up! Oh my gosh, this will be so fun!''

My mom of course, squeals with Mia and holds her hands while jumping up and down. Can she be anymore embarassing?

''Come on, I'll show you to Ana's room.'' My mom says, excitedly to Mia.

Mia follows my mom up the stairs, but rolls a fucking mini pink suitcase that I guess is filled with makeup, behind her.

''I told her you wouldn't want to get your makeup done.'' I turn to see Kate, staring at me, fidgeting.

''Well, it's too late now.'' I simply say, and she nods.

I start walking upstairs and I turn around to see that she's still standing there, obviously uncomfortable.

''Are you coming or what?'' I ask and she seems shocked but then nods.

Walking into the room, I see Mia's case open and her all her makeup shocks me, but it's Kate who gasps.

''Okay, let's get one thing straight, the makeup thing? You can do, but I _will _be wearing an outfit of my choice.'' I tell them and Mia rolls her eyes and nods.

Mia then attaches a small speaker to her iPhone, and All That She Wants by Ace of Base starts playing. She claps her hands together and smiles widely while wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

I look at Kate and she looks at me. What did we just get ourselves into?

* * *

I swear 3 hours has passed until Mia finally announces that she's done with our makeup and hair, all she did was straighten our hair so it didn't take that much time for our hair to get done, but our makeup... was a different story because she needed it to be _**perfect.**_

Perfect... There goes that word again. The word that Vixx said I will never be.

I still hear her, but not so much as I used to, nor the Asshole.

''Well girls, have a look!'' Mia announces, and gives us mirrors.

My eyes widen, and I hear Kate gasp, I look at her and she looks beautiful, too beautiful actually, not that she wasn't beautiful before, but it just adds more to it.

''Oh thank you thank you thank you Mia!'' Kate squeals and jumps up to hug her, I feel a hand on my shoulder, I turn and I see my mom staring at me in awe.

''You look so beautiful Ana.''

I just stare at her. She looks beautiful as well.

''So do you mom.''

* * *

I choose to wear the only decent thing I have which is a gray mid-thigh dress, long dark purple knee socks and a pair of black wedges. Not that cute nor trendy, but hey? It's decent.

Oh and of course makeup to cover my thigh scars.

Kate opted for a short mint colored dress and white flats.

And finally Mia opted for a black ruched long sleeve bodycon dress with glimmering black heels.

And I'd be lying if I said we didn't look great.

* * *

''Turn left over there.'' Mia tells me, I turn and I'm faced with this lovely mansion.

Holy fucking shit.

I park the car where she tells me to park it and we get out.

We walk towards the front door and I see Kate fidgeting again from my peripheral vision. Why is she so nervous?

Mia takes her house keys out and opens the front door, ''my parents are out for a 2 day vacay, so we should be alright'' she says.

I am in complete awe looking at the inside of her house.

She leads us to the living room where we're met by two familiar faces, playing some game on an XBOX.

Mia clears her throat to get their attention and their heads whip in our direction. Their eyes widen, and I see Christian scanning my body from head to toe before looking back into my eyes again. Why do I suddenly feel, insecure?

The boys get up and starts walking towards us, Christian's gaze never leaving mine. My stomach tightens, in a good way.

He holds his hand out for me to take and I don't hesitate, the shock is still there, he brings my hand up to his lips and kisses it, it's as if he's savoring the feeling because he lets his lips linger a little.

Someone clears their throat, and breaks us out of our little bubble. Mia.

''Well, I'm gonna set up the snacks and the drinks. Elliot you set up the music and send out a text to everyone letting them know there's gonna be a party here!'' She orders before leaving.

I look back to Christian and he's staring directly at me, ''I could show you around?'' He offers and I nod.

He takes my hand again and leads me upstairs. He shows me many beautiful rooms, and we finally stop at the last.

''This is my room.'' He says before opening the door.

It's a simple room, with posters of Eminem, and amazing drawings.

''You draw?'' I ask.

''Yeah, they're not that good..''

''You're right they're not..'' I say to him, and he frowns. ''They're amazing.''

We stare at each other and the tension is getting thicker by the second.

He walks closer to me until he's inches away from my face, I look at his lips then at his eyes, and they've darkened. I'm in a trance.

He leans his face forward and presses his lips to mine. The kiss is amazing, our tongues mold together, and soon we're fighting for domination.

No. I can't let him control this. I have to take control.

I push him back on his bed and straddle him, grinding on his already hard erection. He grabs my ass and lets out a soft moan.

''Ana...'' He whispers against my lips. He's so turned on, he needs release. I can see it in his eyes. I don't know if he's ready to lose his virginity, I'll let him decide that, but he needs release and I will give it to him.

''Stay.'' I whisper back.

He nods and I get up and lock his door.

He's lifted himself up on his elbows so he can see me, and he's still so turned on.

I get on my knees in front of him and his eyes widen.

''Relax, baby...'' I say softly.

I unbutton his pants and pull them off. I rub his erection covered by his boxers, and he moans again.

I'm not giving him oral.

I pull off his boxers and fuck he's huge, smooth and beautiful, a light pretty pink and his tip is glistening with pre-cum, I look up at him with wide eyes.

I grip his member and start to stroke him, he moans and falls back on the bed.

''Oh Ana, that feels so good...'' He moans softly. ''Don't stop..''

''Never Christian..'' I moan, this is turning me the fuck on. ''I'll never stop baby..''

I can feel him thrusting himself into my hand. I just wanna taste him, just one taste.

I lean in and I lick and suck on his balls, and his moan gets louder, his breathing more erratic. He tastes delightful.

''Fuck Ana..''

I stop and I lay down next to him, facing him and I continue stroking him while I leave soft kisses on his cheek, and his ear.

''You're so big, Christian..'' I whisper in his ear. God he's so turned on, and I'm loving it.

''Tell me how it feels, baby..''

He moans again, ''so good..''

I study his profile while stroking him, he really is beautiful.

''You're so handsome, Christian..'' I mewl softly in his ear.

I hear heels stomping against the polished wooden floor and I automatically know someone is coming, Christian tenses up.

''Look at me, baby..'' I whisper and he does, he relaxes again.

I start stroking him faster than ever, and I kiss him to stifle his loud moans.

Stroking him over and over again, I feel beads of sweat forming on his forehead and I immediately know he's close.

I stop kissing him and I gaze at his expressions of pleasure.

''Open your eyes for me, baby...'' I whisper and he does, I stroke him harder and faster.

1 stroke... 2 stroke... 3 stroke... 4 stroke... 5 stroke...

**THUD **''Arrrrgghh!'' **THUD **''Fuck!''** THUD THUD **''Ana!''** THUD THUD **

He came and the sound of someone knocking loud on his bedroom door blocked out his loud moans, thank the lord.

His breathing is hard and his eyes are closed, I look down at his erection and fuck he came so much.

''Hey you guys in there!'' I hear Mia yell.

I look back to Christian and he opens his eyes and stares at me in awe, ''Be right out!'' I yell back before smirking at Christian.

* * *

**A/N: Did you guys see the Fifty Shades Trailer? Am I the only one that cried and hyperventilated? God, I hope not! It was perfect. F**ollow the story's pinterest at www dot pinterest dot com/rachelleeexo/saving-a-rebellious-wallflower/.****


	21. Chapter 19

**Chapter XIX | Christian's POV**

* * *

I can't believe she did that to me, fuck that felt so amazing. We gaze at each other for a few seconds before she does the most shocking and sexiest thing I have ever seen. She bends down and licks me clean. After she's finished, she gives the tip of my dick a soft kiss.

I sigh, fulfilled. Standing up, I pull my boxers and pants back up and I stare at her, and we go silent once again, a comfortable silence though. I break the silence by saying the most awkwardest thing ever.

''Thank you.''

She looks like she's trying to suppress a smile. ''No, thank you.''

She walks up to me and gently places her hand on my cheek, while looking over my face. I lean into her touch.

''Perfect.'' She whispers.

''Yes you are.'' I reply.

She shakes her head and looks down, she seems upset that I said that, I decide to change course.

''Do you want me to...'' She looks back up at me and raises and eyebrow. ''Um do you want me, to..'' I clear my throat. ''Go.. down on.. you?'' I ask, nervously. I've never done it to any other girl, but I so desperately want her to be my first, my first for everything.

She giggles, fuck I love that sound. ''I'm okay, Christian, really.'' She reassures me.

''I forgot to tell you that you look beautiful.'' I say.

''Thank you. This was the only decent thing I had, plus... I don't feel like partying.''

''We can bail?'' I offer. ''Mia has these parties often, we can go somewhere else if you want.''

She looks at me confused, ''you would do that for me?''

''I'd do anything for you.''

Eye to eye, gazing. Silence.

''Plus when I drink, it's not... something you would wanna see.'' I joke, trying to ease the tension.

She smirks. ''I would like that very much.''

I wanna smile, so fucking badly.

''We can stay here, in my room until the party starts, and then we'll ditch, okay?''

She nods.

''Are you hungry?''

''Hmm, kinda, but I think I've got my fill of something already.'' She teases, with a twinkle in her eyes.

I widen my eyes at her comment and this causes her to laugh; even her laugh is beautiful. Though, I do have a feeling that she doesn't laugh much. Which saddens me deeply.

I decide to tease her back, ''so when will I get my fill of you?''

She gasps softly, blinks a couple times, and a little 'v' forms between her eyes; God shes adorable.

I walk towards her slowly, and I can sense the change in her breathing. I look down at her chest, and it's rising and falling, hard.

Is she turned on?

I grab her face with both of my hands, gently. ''Anastasia..'' I whisper.

Her eyes flutter before closing; she's turned on by me.

Why do I feel so joyous?

''What are you doing to me, Anastasia?'' I softly ask her, and she leans her head to the side, as if she's silently telling me to kiss her neck.

I lean in and kiss her neck, ''I wish you would tell me how I make you feel.''

Kiss— ''I wish you felt what I feel when I'm around you'' —Another kiss.

She moans softly, ''I do.'' She whispers back.

''Do you, baby?''

She nods, still flustered.

''Do you want me to touch you?'' I ask while I kiss her cheek, working my way to her lips.

''Christian, please, no..'' She moans.

''Why not baby..''

''You deserve someone better than me..''

I stop kissing her and I look at her face, ''open your eyes, Ana.''

She opens them, ''You deserve someone better than me too Ana, but I'm a selfish guy, and I don't think I could stand seeing you with someone else, other than me.''

''I'm a monster.''

''No you're not.'' I reply.

She looks at me for a second before asking me, ''why are you still a virgin?''

I shake my head, ''My haphephobia.''

''I'm a ruined girl, Christian..'' I see tears welling up in her eyes.

''Let me help you, Ana.''

''How? How do I let you help me?'' She asks.

I grab both of her hands and entwine our fingers together; they fit perfectly. ''We can start off by getting to know each other. No secrets.'' I say. ''Leave this party with me, and I'll show you how, we can go wherever you want.''

''My mom and dad are going out tonight, can we just to my place..'' She says.

''Of course, we can order in and talk, like normal people...''

''I'm not normal, nor do I know how to be; I lost that opportunity when—'' She trails off, and shakes her head.

''I don't know how to be normal either, we can learn together.''

''What if I don't wanna be normal?''

I smile, ''Then we can be weird and twisted together, I don't care.''

She giggles and gives me a cute ass smile.

''You don't know how beautiful you are to me, Anastasia. It amazes me.''

''If I tell you my secrets, you'll think otherwise.'' She looks away, avoiding my stare.

I grab her chin to make her face me.

''I'll never think otherwise.''

She grabs my hand and kisses my palm, ''Neither will I, Christian Grey, neither will I.''


	22. Chapter 20

**Chapter XX | Anastasia's POV**

* * *

So many people started coming to the party, I was feeling a little bit too claustrophobic.

Christian was now currently holding my hand trying to lead out of the party, his hand felt like home, I never want to let go.

We finally get to his front door and he puts on a leather jacket that makes him look a bad-boyish kind of sexy, which is kind of funny because he's been nothing but a complete sweetheart to me, and I have yet to see this bad by side of him.

''Are you ready?'' He asks me.

''Of course.'' I say, smiling.

He smiles back and grabs my hand again. I walk out of his house with him and I feel like I can finally breathe now. Was it really crowded with that much people? Felt like it.

He opens the car door for me and bows like a gentlemen.

I giggle, ''thank you, kind sir.''

He gets in and the rest of the ride is filled with a comfortable silence.

* * *

''So what should we order?'' I ask while fishing out the keys for the front door.

''I don't know, anything?'' He says.

I roll my eyes, ''How about we just make something, save ourselves the hassle.''

He nods.

Opening the door, I allow him to go in first and he immediately goes into my kitchen and raids my fridge.

''You have pizza rolls'' He says, ''Dinosaur nuggets and taquitos?'' He raises his eyebrow in question.

''Yes. I love pizza rolls, dinosaur nuggets and taquitos, so what!'' I challenge him while crossing my arms in front of my chest, he looks at my body for a second before looking back at my face with a twinkle in his eyes.

''Alright, fine.'' He holds his hands up in surrender, ''Which should we make.''

''Whichever you want'' I walk over to where he's standing and he holds up the taquitos, ''I never tasted them before.''

I widen my eyes and he laughs, ''what? Dude really? They're like tacos but folded''

He shrugs.

Rolling my eyes, I tell him to set the oven to 400 degrees and like a good boy he does.

We wait for a few minutes before putting them in the oven, then we wait again...

While we wait, he stands in front of me with both of his hands on each side of the counter, trapping me. A serious yet seductive expression plastered on his face.

I'm forever hypnotized by his gray eyes.

''Why are you staring at me like that?'' I say, looking anywhere but at him, but of course he makes me look.

''Because you're beautiful, why don't you like it when I stare at you?''

''I just don't.''

''Well, deal with it because I can't go 2 minutes without looking at you.''

I sigh and he surprises me by kissing me. I pull back quickly.

''I can't go 2 minutes without kissing you either'' He sighs while leaning his forehead on mine. I can feel him smiling.

We wait 20 more minutes until the timer goes off and makes the both of us jump in surprise.

He takes it out, and I take out a cherry cola for myself and a sprite for him.

We walk up to my room and set the food down and he shrugs his jacket off. He holds his hand out for me to hold on while I take off my wedges.

He jumps and lands on my bed and I giggle, he's so carefree right now, so comfortable, could I possibly finally have a friend?

I let a smile play on my face..

''What are you smiling at?'' He says bringing me from my thoughts.

''Oh, uh nothing, stay here, I'll go change into something comfortable.''

He nods, and I look through my dresser drawers and pick out PJ's.

''Can you unzip me?'' I ask and he looks taken aback but he clears his throat and nods.

He gets behind me and pushes my hair over my shoulder and slowly unzips me.

I turn around and his eyes have darkened again, ''t-thanks..'' I stutter out.

I go to the bathroom and I take my dress and socks off. I get a little rag and I wet it, and scrub the concealer off my thighs, after I'm done I rub lotion on my legs and thighs.

I put my colorful boxers on and a black tank top.

I brush my hair and put it in a messy bun, I clean the make up off my face with make up remover wipes, I dry my face with a small towel and I stare at myself in the mirror.

I'm stuck looking at myself.

1 second passes... 2 seconds pass... 3 seconds pass...

Then I see it.

I look closer, my eyes are turning black.

I gasp and throw myself back quickly, hitting my back against the wall behind me.

''I'm a monster.'' I whisper.

I take quick breaths before opening the door and walking back into my room.

''These are actually pretty damn goo—'' He stops smiling and talking once he looks up at me.

He slowly looks at my arms, then my thighs... I'm exposed.

His eyes turn sympathetic.

Great, that's exactly what I need... Pity...

His eyes find mine. I'm trying to speak with my eyes.

_Can you see the monster now?_

As if he's reading me, he shakes his head and gets up. ''If I asked to kiss your scars, would you let me?''

I don't answer.

He inhales loudly before taking his shirt off.

''I wanna make love to you, know all of your secrets, kiss the pain of your scars away, make you laugh and smile, memorize your favorite things...''

I look at his chest, and I see the cigarette burns, I let out a sob and he holds me in his embrace.

''Lets eat and then talk.'' He says softly before kissing the top of my head. I nod and look up at him, and he wipes my tears away with his thumbs, then leaves a soft kiss on my cheek.

We eat and share a few sympathetic glances.

* * *

Laying side by side, we stare at the colorful ceiling, he grabs my hand and I start.

''I was eleven when it happened...''

_''Ana what did you get?'' My best friend Jose asks me while we ride the bus home._

_''I got an A+, my mommy and daddy will be so happy, they might even buy me a puppy'' I stick my tongue out at him and he makes a mad face and crosses his arms._

_I laugh and start tickling him, but he moves away from my hand quickly and tickles me._

_''St-stop Jose, that tickles!'' I say between laughs._

_''Hey Zoey, tickle Ana with me'' He tells our friend Zoey, and she joins, I can't take it anymore._

_''Okay! Okay I'm sorry, I'll share my puppy with the both of you, stop or I will pee myself!'' They stop and giggle at me, while I try to catch my breath._

_I sit up and pout at the both of them, then the bus stops at a bus stop. My bus stop._

_''Bye Jose, bye Zoey.'' I say, while getting up from my seat, ''Bye Ana, we'll be waiting for our puppy'' they say, which makes me giggle._

_Sam the bus driver holds his hand out for me, and I give him a high 5 and he smiles, ''alright little lady, I'll see you tomorrow.''_

_''Bye Sam!'' I yell before walking down the steps and running home, all I can think about are..._

_Happy mommy, happy daddy, happy new puppy, happy me._

''I ran home, ready to tell them my good grade, ready for my dad to pick me up and spin me around and tell me that he's so proud of his baby girl, ready for my mom to kiss me on my forehead and tell me, that she's proud of me, waiting for a puppy, but what I got instead was... different..''

_I run and I see Logan's car. I squeal and run faster, I open the front door and run in screaming, ''mommy, daddy, Logan!_ _Look at what I got!''_

_I see Logan sitting on the sofa, drinking a bottle of something that I seen at a corner store before._

_''Logan! Logan!'' I climb up on his lap and bounce up and down, happy. ''Look at my grade! Mommy and daddy are gonna get me a puppy!''_

_''That's my girl..'' He kisses my cheek._

_''Where is mommy?'' I look around. ''Where's daddy?''_

_''They went grocery shopping..'' He kisses my cheek again. _

_He's kissing me, my prince._

_I sigh and lay my head on his chest. _

_''We should celebrate.'' He says rubbing his hands up and down my back._

_I lift my head up and smile, clapping, squealing. _

_''Can we go to Chuck E. Cheese's!'' _

_He shakes his head weirdly and says, ''no.. no.. we can do something better..''_

_''Like what?''_

_He's about to answer me when his friend Brad shows up. I never did like Brad. He was too mean._

_Brad gives me a smile that makes me scared, but I'm with Logan, he will never let anyone hurt me. He's my prince._

_''Let's go to the basement... We could set up a little party down there'' Logan says._

_''A party?'' I squeal again._

_''Yes.. yes.'' _

_I get up off of his lap and he holds my hand, Brad walks through the hallway, but looks back at me with a little smirk._

_But then Logan bends down to my level and blocks out Brad's face, ''Do you love me Ana?'' He asks._

_I look down and nod, ''you are my prince.''_

_I look up at him and I see he has a smile on his face, but this smile is different. It's not right. I bet it's nothing._

_''And you are my little princess.'' _

_I smile and nod. _

_He walks to the basement door with me, and lets me walk in first, before he walks in last and slams the door behind him._

I can't finish. I just can't.

I'm sobbing uncontrollably hard, and Christian holds me, sobbing with me too.

''It hurt so bad'' I clutch onto him, crying hard. ''He hurt me, they both hurt me.''

''I'm so sorry Ana..'' He whimpers. ''So fucking sorry.''

''They kept calling me a whore... Saying that I'm no good... That I'll only be good for fucking, I was only eleven, a little fucking girl, a stupid naive little girl..'' I start to shake.

He kisses my face, all over. ''No Ana, it wasn't your fault, fuck I wish I could kill the both of them. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you again, ever.'' He buries his face in my neck while we both cry.

''Everything changed after that Christian... I was never the same... I was never happy...'' I whimper.

It's as if he feels my pain, radiating off of me.

''I'm gonna try my hardest to change that..'' He whispers.

And he holds me, for what feels like eternity, before our crying subsides and he starts to tell me his past...

* * *

**A/N: It was pretty hard writing this chapter, I won't promise that they will be all rainbows and sunshine after they let all their secrets out, but I am definitely leaning towards a HEA. **


	23. Chapter 21

**Chapter XXI | Christian's POV**

* * *

''You remind me of her.. hm'' I say.

''Huh?'' Ana asks obviously confused.

''My biological mom.. You remind me of her so much, and it.. it kills me to say that.'' I tell her, avoiding her gaze.

_''Christian, honey..'' I hear mommy's voice._

_Opening my eyes I see her, she's smiling at me, she has the prettiest face ever. I grin._

_''Wanna surprise daddy?'' She asks while pushing the hair covering half of my eye away from my face._

_I nod, and hold my arms out and she picks me up and kisses my cheek. _

_She leads us to the kitchen and places me on the counter, she takes out the crate with the eggs, and the box with the pancakes mix in it, and bacon, my favorite._

_''Okay,'' she points to me and gives me one of her serious playful faces, ''you, my little helper, are going to be making the eggs.'' I nod and giggle. ''Salute?'' She asks and smiles._

_I give her a little salute, ''Ay ay, mommy'' _

_She kisses my head and we start._

_''No, Christian'' she says making me stop in my tracks. I look at her face, stopping my finger halfway into the pancake batter._

_I move my finger again, ''Christian, I said no.'' She warns me._

_It looks like cake batter, it looks yummy._

_I move my finger again, and look at her, and she raises an eyebrow. _

_I dip my finger in and put my finger in my mouth. Ew is tastes funny._

_She rolls her eyes, ''Oh Christian, my little rebel..''_

_She dips her finger in and puts it on my nose, I grin._

_She gets out her phone and takes a picture of me, while laughing._

_''Okay it's time to flip the last one, come on Christian.''_

_She lifts me up and faces me towards the stove, she gets the spatula and gives it to me, putting her hand around mine, helping me._

_We place the spatula under the pancake, ''Count with me, Christian.''_

_''1...2...3'' We flip it and mommy jumps up and down, I laugh because I'm bouncing._

_The bacon, eggs, and pancakes are done, and mommy makes mine, while I makes daddy's plate._

_Mommy made my food look like a happy face. The sunny side eggs as the eyes, a small triangle she made out of the pancake as the nose, and the bacon as the mouth._

_She sets the plates on the tables and pours orange juice into 3 cups. _

_''Go wake up your daddy for me, Christian!'' _

_I run down the hallway sucking my thumb, I open the door and daddy is sleeping, I climb up on the bed and shake daddy, he makes a noise before opening his eyes. He smiles when he sees me, but then his face changes to sad, then to happy again, but this happy face doesn't look like daddy's regular happy face._

''It looked so, forced...'' I tell her.

_''Beckfast, daddy, beckfast'' _

_He grabs me and kisses me on my head, then picks me up and he walks out of the room with me in his arms._

_When we walk into the kitchen mommy is standing by the table, waiting for us. _

_Daddy sets me down and I climb onto my seat._

_I start eating but then I stare up, and I see mommy and daddy staring at eachother._

_''We wanted to surprise you with breakfast.'' Mommy says._

_''I know, Ella—''_

_''Ella?'' _

_I'm looking back and forth at them when they speak._

_''Yes that's your name is it not?''_

_''Yes, it's just, you've always called me honey or baby.. Never mind it's nothing, but since we're on a first name basis right now, are you eating the breakfast me and our son so kindly made for you, Aaron?'' She says, but you can see it in her eyes that she is mad at daddy._

_They sit down and eat, and I eat too, it's quiet, no one is talking. I thought daddy would be happy?_

_When we finish eating daddy tells me to go in my room, I look at mommy and she nods. _

_I walk to my room but I listen by the door, I hear mommy and daddy fighting._

_''You cheated!'' I hear her slap him._

_''Keep your fucking voice down!''_

_Cheated?_

_''Oh and you're leaving us? That's rich!'' She screams._

_''You're mad Ella, I understand that, but it isn't the same between us, don't you dare fucking disagree with me because you know I'm right!''_

_''I was trying to make up for it... I'll forgive you Aaron just please don't leave me, don't leave us, I'm in love with you, those feelings I have will never change, you're all Christian and I have..'' Mommy's crying. _

_''I promised Rachel, I'd be at her house when I woke up..'' He says, not paying attention to her._

_''Please Aaron...'' She begs him._

_''I'm gonna pack my things, and say goodbye to Christian.''_

_''Excuse me! If I'm the problem, take it out on me, not Christian! He's your fucking son!''_

_''It's my fucking choice, just leave it at that.''_

_It goes quiet._

_I hear daddy going through his dresser drawers, opening and closing them._

''It felt like forever until he finally came in my room..''

_Daddy opens my door and stoops down to my level._

_''Hey kiddo.''_

_I don't know what to say, what happened?_

_''Daddy has to go somewhere. He'll come back for you.''_

_Where are you going daddy?_

_''You stay and take care of your mommy alright?''_

_I'll do my best._

_He kisses my forehead and backs away from me, two tears fall out of his eyes._

_I wipe them away with my hand. Don't cry daddy._

_''I love you, Christian.''_

''He stared at me for about 3 minutes before finally leaving my room... My mom changed... She was hurting so bad, that she... She met someone else like 5 days later.''

_''Christian, go play in your room, mommy has to talk to a friend right now, don't make any noise baby.''_

_I nod and run back to my room. _

_I hear my mom talking to a guy, he has a deep voice._

_They're walking by my room, I can hear it, but then I hear them open mommy's room door._

''That's when the screaming and moaning started..''

_I hear mommy screaming, I cry and run out of my room and open her door. _

_The guy turns around and looks at me and starts to laugh, ''You have a fucking kid? God you're a joke.. Get the fuck out of here!'' He yells at me. _

_I look at mommy and she's begging me to leave with her eyes. I look down and close the door silently._

''It got much worse.''

_''Fuck!'' My mom screams, and slams the fridge shut. _

_She takes out her phone and calls someone, ''Hey can you come over today?'' _

_She looks sad. ''No it's just that, I need to feed my son, I'm out of food, I could really use the money.''_

_She listened and ended the call, throwing her phone on the floor and grabbed her hair, walking back and forth._

''We were running out of food, her pimp would come over more, he got more aggressive towards us.'' I feel Ana, squeezing my arm.

_''Ella bring your kid out here, I wanna meet the little fucker properly.'' _

_''No I'm not letting you meet my son!'' _

_I hear him slap her, ''Bring him out here, bitch!''_

_Mommy opens my door and kneels down, ''Christian, honey.. My friend wants to meet you, will you come out for me?''_

_I can't speak... He scares me mommy._

_''Just do what he says, mommy will protect you''_

_I nod and she holds out her hand and I grab it. She leads me out into the living room, where he's sniffing something white that's on the table. _

_He looks up at me and smiles, I squeeze mommy's hand tighter._

_''Come over here.'' He says._

_I just look at him. I don't move._

_''I said come over here!'' He screams at me, and I jump and I wanna cry. I look up at her._

_I'm scared, mommy._

_She nods and I walk over to him, slowly._

''He got mad at how slowly I was walking..''

_He looks mad now, he gets up and pulls my hair, leading me back to the couch. _

_''Mommy'' I cry._

_''Don't touch my fucking son!'' She yells pulling him back._

_He gets really mad and hits mommy. She falls to the ground. She's about to cry and her nose is bleeding._

''It just didn't end, she would do the drugs that he made her do, so he wouldn't hurt me, but then she got addicted, and the money he gave her, she would spend on drugs instead of food, and he started to call her names, he got more annoyed with her, so he took it out on me..''

_He's making noises in the bedroom again. _

_I'm drawing a picture of me, mommy, and daddy._

_Daddy. When is he coming back?_

_I hear mommy's door slam loudly and the knob on my door is moving. Then the banging starts. _

_''OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!''_

_Tears fall again, but I get up and walk to the door, unlocking it._

_Once he opens it he pushes me down on the floor and searches my room._

_I'm crying now, I run to mommy's room and she's sitting on her bed, with a stick between her fingers, while she blows the smoke out._

_''Hey baby boy.'' She says to me._

''Her face expression was so blank, it was like she wasn't my mom anymore..''

_''Come here, Christian'' _

_I shake my head and cry._

_''Mommy will protect you baby, come here.''_

_I shake my head again. Then he comes back.._

_''Listen to your fucking thief lying bitch of a mom kid, you need to be fucking disciplined.'' He says and pushes me down again. But now he's kicking me me. It hurts so much._

_My mom gets up and tries to stop him but he punches her. _

''He went ballistic.''

_He's kicking mommy now. I have to help her. I try to get up but it hurts, I crawl over to him and I start hitting his leg as hard as I can._

_''Christian, stop.'' I hear my mom whisper._

''She sounded so weak.''

_He kicked me again, ''don't fucking hit me you little shit''_

_He stopped and looked at the floor where the stick mommy was holding with her hand was._

_He grabbed it and picked me up holding me against the wall, his arm on my throat, my stomach hurts and I can't stop crying._

''He was choking me with his arm..''

_He lifted up my shirt with his free arm and put the stick in his mouth and blew the smoke in my face before poking the stick on me, all over my chest. _

_I shut my eyes tightly and I'm trying to scream but his arm is making it hard for me to scream, ''M-mommy! Mommy p-please h-elp me'' I choke out._

_''Stop fucking making noise!'' He slapped me and then turned me around on the wall, his arm now holding me up by the back of my neck._

_He starts poking me with the stick again, on my back this time. _

_I'm trying to move away, but he's too strong._

_Soon he stops and then he drops me. I land on the floor, still crying.._

_He leaves the room, slamming the door. I hear the front door slam. I slowly crawl over to mommy, her eyes are closed. I lift her arm up and put it around me, and cuddle into her, crying hard._

''Do you know what he was searching for in my room?'' I look to Ana and she's crying for me...

''What...'' She whispers.

''The pimps cocaine, which she overdosed on the next day.''

She shuts her eyes and shakes her head.. Letting more tears fall.

''I know I was too young, but I still remember... what she said to me before I fell asleep, because I always dream of her telling it to me.''

_Mommy thinks I'm sleeping... but I'm listening to her cry on my bed, holding me, my back to her chest._

_Kissing my head, she starts whispering to me._

_''Things will different for you from now on Christian, I promise you. You won't be seeing mommy anymore, but I'll be watching over you, always'' She kisses my head again. ''My baby boy..'' She choked out a sob again. ''I'm so sorry... for everything... for not protecting you enough, for not taking care of you the way I should've, and for not being a good mother... When you grow up, and you have to make a choice, I hope you make the right one. I know you will make it in life, I just know you will, and I will be so proud of you honey, so proud..'' She sniffles, ''and when you fall in love and get married, and have kids of your own, I want you to treat her with respect, treat your future kids with respect love them and protect them. Be a better person than your father and I, honey. You're too young to understand this right now, but I hope you will keep it in mind until you're old enough to understand. I love you so much, Christian.''_

_She kisses me on my head one last time, but she lets her mouth stay there for a little. _

_She gets up off of the bed and opens my room door, I still see her shadow on the wall, she turns to face my room, facing me._

_''Goodnight, love.''_

_She walks out and closes the door behind her._

''I woke up and went to her room, and she was splayed out on her bed, I tried to wake her up and she wouldn't.. I starved for about 4 days until the police came and took me away from her, they took me to the hospital, and that was where I met Grace..''

''What about your dad?''

''He never came back.''

Ana's now sitting on my lap, wrapped around me like a vine, kissing my cheek, crying.

''Don't cry for me Ana, please don't.''

''You were just a baby, Christian.''

''It's the past, Ana.''

''Why did this happen to us, we were so innocent and they destroyed us...'' She sobs.

I wrap my arms around her and hold her, I want to tell her to stop but what she just said was true, so I think better of it and I just let her cry.

* * *

**A/N: So this chapter was ALSO extremely painful and heartbreaking to write. Kind of cried while writing it. Now they know each other's story, and so do you! Please review me your thoughts! **


	24. Chapter 22

**Chapter XXII | Anastasia's POV**

* * *

_They keep telling me don't save you  
If I ignore all that advice  
Then something isn't right  
Then who will I complain to?_

_..._

_You got your guards up, I do too. There's things we might discover  
Cause you got a past and I do too, we're perfect for each other_

* * *

''Okay I think that's enough episodes for tonight'' I say, laughing softly. After Christian held me while I cried, I sat between his legs under the blanket and we kind of snuggled up and used my iPad to watch episodes of Criminal Minds on Netflix.

I never thought that I would feel this comfortable with a guy well not after you know who. It just seems so easy with Christian.

''Hm are you sure? Thank you for introducing me to this show by the way, I think I'll be watching it a lot from now on.''

''Really?'' I ask.

''Yes.'' He replies, giving me a cute smirk.

''Sooo, what shall we do? I'm not that sleepy anyways.''

''We can talk..'' He says.

''Talk..'' I repeat.

He nods, ''yes talk, get to know each other better, I want to know every thing about you.''

''Ooookay, what do you wanna know?''

His brows furrow and he gently runs his fingers along the scars of my thigh, ''Favorite color?''

''Blue and you?''

He smiles, ''Gray.''

''Wow, ironic.''

''Very.''

''Hm, favorite movie?'' I ask.

''I don't have a favorite, but I do have a couple movies at my house, if you want I could pick you up some time and I could show them to you so you can see for yourself.'' He suggests.

I take a second to think about it before nodding, ''I'd like that a lot.''

''Okay, hmm what type of music do you like?''

''I like all sorts of music but..'' I point to him, ''I do have an iPod, it's around here somewhere..'' I murmur while going through the drawers of my bedside table. ''Aha, here it is.'' I wave it in his face and he grins and takes it out of my hand.

''Damn you have a lot of songs.. Some I never even heard of.."

"Yeah I kinda have a weird taste in music."

"I like that you do, gives me more artists to explore in the music world." He says, smirking.

"But... I'm just gonna press shuffle and listen to whatever song comes up first.'' He says.

"Sounds good to me." I put an ear bud in my ear and he does the same.

He presses shuffle and the intro for So High by Ghost Loft starts to play.

_You make me so high _

_You bring me alive _

_So high, so high _

And we're both gazing at each other while we listen.

_Everything I want, everything I need _

_I found in you_

_No matter what they say_

_I'm gonna find a way _

_To be with you _

_Take me to the place of sweet love _

_Do you realize what you do to me? _

As we listen to the song I feel him running his finger along my thigh scars again but he seems to be in deep thought.

The song finishes and he looks at me, ''The song sure relates.''

I don't know how to reply to that so I just don't.. I look down at his finger and he moves it and puts it under my chin, raising my head for me to look at him.

''I want you, Ana, only you.. and I'm not afraid to admit it to you or to anybody else.''

''Why? You can have any girl you want yet you choose the one with the fucked up soul.''

''I'm not perfect, Ana.. I'm as fucked up as you are and don't you forget it.''

I shake my head, ''Don't you get it, Christian? You might be fucked up but at least you're on a good path, I'm not..''

''God..'' He says pinching the bridge of his nose. ''I hate when you talk so low about yourself, I'll help you and I'll be there with you throughout everything you just have to want to help yourself..''

I slowly shake my head again, ''you know, all these years I've always mentally asked myself one question... 'how do I get over what they did?' I just... I want so badly to forget that it ever happened but you just don't forget those things.. they sort of stay with you, you know? I wish I can forgive them but I don't know how to. I just hate them.. I hate them so much.

''I'm just what they said I would be.''

''No, Ana, you're not.. please don't say that.''

''I am, Christian... You don't understand... I once had this horrible dream that I was looking at myself, the 11 year old happy version of myself... then that little happy girl was just looking into this big mirror, and guess what I saw.. I saw her looking at what I am now... I saw her looking at her future.''

''You can start changing and I'll help you. Starting with school, hell we could even start studying together and I hate studying.''

I can't help it I let out a giggle.

''I fucking love that sound.''

I smile, ''why... do you care so much?''

''I.. don't know, I'm so new to these feelings, all I know is that I don't want to lose you to all these drugs, Ana..''

I put my head on his shoulder, ashamed.

''Why drugs, Ana?''

''It's an escape for me, Christian.. So is partying.''

''But the cocaine... the heroin... they're both so dangerous.''

I smile sadly. ''How could you possibly feel sad and hopeless when you have stardust shooting through your veins?''

He wraps his arms around me, ''they can kill you.''

''Maybe I don't want to be alive anymore.''

''Well, I'm not letting you slip away from me.''

I take his hand and kiss it, ''thank you.''

In return he kisses the top of my head. ''What's the R stand for?''

''Huh?''

''The R. The three letters on your iPod, I know A stands for Anastasia and S stands for Steele but what does the R stand for?''

I smirk. ''Rose.''

''Anastasia Rose Steele. Beautiful name for such a beautiful girl. I don't have a middle name just Christian Trevelyan Grey''

''Hot name for such a hot guy''

He doesn't reply so I turn to look at him and I see him grinning, ''Oh really? I'm hot?''

''Yes.''

''You sure weren't fond of me when we first met, was I just ugly then or do I have to work on my charms?''

''Better work on those charms, Grey.''

''Ahh, will do, Steele.. will do.''

He leans in and kisses my lips but this time I don't push away, I let him.


End file.
